


(all i want is to see through you)

by xslytherclawx



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - America, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Alternate Universe - Reality Show, Bisexual Character, Everyone is LGBT, Gay Male Character, LGBT Character, LGBT Jewish Character, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-07-29 16:42:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 25,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16268234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xslytherclawx/pseuds/xslytherclawx
Summary: Regulus Black, professional footballer and ex-boyfriend of superstar Emmeline Vance, decides to go on a reality dating show, at his brother's insistence. It's just to upset his parents, really, and maybe get some publicity for his team.After all, he's gay.





	1. Max. i.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Thestias](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thestias/gifts).



> This was entirely Thestias's idea, and I wrote like... upwards of 20k of it in like a week.  
> Disclaimer: I have never in my life seen an episode of the Bachelor or the Bachelorette (and don't really intend to), so a lot of this is probably not remotely accurate and some of it is intentional divergence from it but. You know.  
> Again, as per the case in other non-Ravenclaw AU fics, ships and events are not canon and may never appear in Ravenclaw AU.

Maxim Scamander was a hopeless romantic at heart, even now. Perhaps that was why, with a last minute drop out, Max had secured his very best friend a spot as a contestant on The Bachelorette, which was his current gig. Isaac had never focused on dating, had only ever dated one girl in undergrad and then buried himself in med school and residency and his existential crisis during which Max had urged him to do what he loved, and now, one semester in, rabbinical school.

(Max, for his part, had a degree in comparative literature from Penn, and was now working as a stylist on a major network reality show. It was funny how things worked out).

He got to help style the contestants before they went out, and tried not to too obviously gravitate toward Isaac… who was talking to the most gorgeous man Max had ever seen.

“Going to introduce me?” Max asked, eyes flitting over to the gorgeous man.

Isaac rolled his eyes. “You are insatiable. Max, this is Regulus. Regulus, this is Max, who is, contrary to what you may believe, not a stalker, but rather my best friend.”

“Also roommate. At least temporarily.”

“Because that’s more relevant than being my friend,” Isaac drawled.

“You’d better work on that attitude, Rabbi Goldstein,” Max teased. He glanced back over to Regulus, and realised that he was familiar. Where did he know him from?

“Not a rabbi yet,” Isaac said, not missing a beat.

“So what’s your background story?” Max asked.

Isaac grinned. “I’m a world-class surgeon who left medicine because he felt a spiritual calling to become a rabbi.”

Max snorted. “That’s definitely different from how I remember it.” He remembered Isaac’s long nights, nonexistent mental health, multiple breakdowns – and that all before his residency.

“Well, ‘decided to go to rabbinical school after multiple major emotional breakdowns and a stint in a clinic’ doesn’t have quite the same ring.”

Max noticed Regulus’s shocked expression, but didn’t acknowledge it. “Not quite,” Max agreed. “I wonder what mine would be… graduated from an Ivy with honors and is now working as a stylist and living in a shitty apartment in Washington Heights. How could they spin that?”

Isaac laughed, “Dude, I think you’re a little too gay to be on this show.”

“There have been gay guys on this show before,” Max said.

“Oh, I’m sure there have been gay guys,” Isaac said, “who can pass as straight. They’d have to be an Antoni and you’re a Jonathan.”

“Comparing me to Jonathan Van Ness is not the insult you think it is,” Max said primly.

“Oh, it was a compliment,” Isaac said. “I’m sure you and JVN would have much to talk about. It’s just that you’re _both_ too gay to be a contestant on this show.”

Max caught a pointed look from one of the other stylists and rolled his eyes. “Here, give me your face. Might as well actually do my job while we talk.”

Isaac rolled his eyes, and sighed. “Fine.” He was perfectly still as Max worked on him, which was, really, to be expected. Isaac had always served as a willing guinea pig for Max’s more ambitious experiments, so a little foundation and eyeliner was nothing. “Remember when I did your makeup for Rocky Horror in eighth grade?” Max asked, and when Isaac smiled, he chastised him, “Face _neutral_ , Isaac!”

“Remember when I thought going to Rocky Horror dressed up like Frank-N-Furter was totally straight?” Isaac asked without moving his mouth too much.

Max laughed. “Well, it’s not as if you don’t like women. And you can be very butch.”

Isaac snorted. Max finished his makeup and turned him to face the mirror. “Too much?”

“Not for television, I suppose,” Isaac said, looking himself over.

“What are we thinking for your hair? Oh, my god, you know, I think I still have a kippah in my bag from Gina’s bat mitzvah.”

“That was _four years ago_ ,” Isaac said. “And if I remember correctly, she had hot pink kippot.”

“She did,” Max agreed.

“So I’ll pass,” Isaac said.

“I just think it’d be funny.”

“I’m supposed to be _straight_ , Max. Or, well, at least, my character is.”

Max rolled his eyes and pouted. “That’ll be a challenge.”

“I can pass as straight.”

“When you’re not surrounded by twenty-five gorgeous eligible bachelors.” Isaac frowned at that, and Max laughed and started styling his hair. “I know you love dick and pussy equally,” he said. “I _know_ what bisexuality is, Isaac, but I’m not sure, surrounded by _twenty-five_ gorgeous men and _one_ gorgeous woman, that you’d be able to pass as straight.”

“I managed all through high school. And undergrad.”

“Trust me… you didn’t manage as well as you thought you did.”

Isaac grumbled. “Why are you my best friend?”

“Well,” Max said thoughtfully, “we were the only two emo Jews in our school. And neither of us were straight.”

Isaac snorted. “Can you imagine if they show my old emo pictures?”

“I think your MySpace is still up,” Max said. “Including all of my gushing about Max Bemis in your comments.”

“Oh god, you and Max Bemis.”

“We have the _same name_ , Isaac. And we’re both emo Jews, and okay, sure, he’s bi, not gay, but he’s not _straight_ , is he?” He finished with Isaac’s hair and felt no small sense of satisfaction. “There we go. Totally butch. Now if they ask about sports, you just need to do the Eagles chant.”

Isaac rolled his eyes. “And talk about how we won the Superbowl, got it.”

“And maybe _don’t_ talk about how the entire reason you follow the Union is because all the players are just so gorgeous.”

“I follow the Union because they’re a Philly team,” Isaac said, not totally unconvincingly.

Max winked. “That’s it. Just like that.”

He turned, then, to Regulus, who attempted (badly) to appear deeply invested in a magazine. “Have you been helped?”

“Oh, er, no,” Regulus said.

“Don’t have any qualms about a gay man doing your hair and makeup?”

“Considering I am one, no,” Regulus said.

Max’s eyebrows shot up and he grinned, looking to Isaac. Isaac knew him too well, because he looked disapproving. As if Max would risk his job by fucking a contestant.

“Besides,” Regulus said, “You _did_ just call me gorgeous.”

“All the men here are gorgeous,” Max said.

“Not that,” Regulus said, and Max wondered why it had taken him so long to figure out where he knew him from. No wonder Isaac had sat down next to him. Isaac absolutely loved the Union, and still had season tickets.

“You’re a player for the Union, aren’t you?”

“That’s me,” Regulus said. “My story, of course, is that my long-term girlfriend of… shit, must’ve been eight years that we kept up that façade, has recently dumped me for another woman.”

“Oh, that’s _right_ ,” Max said. “You dated Emmeline Vance! God, I love her. Is she as much of a badass bitch in person as she is in interviews and movies?”

“More so, I think,” Regulus said. “We, er, went to the same school, so we’ve known each other for… forever.”

Emmeline Vance, Max knew from all the best celebrity news sites, had gone to some super-exclusive private boarding school in Switzerland. It wasn’t terribly surprising, of course, that a professional athlete came from the sort of family that could afford that.

“Well,” Max said, “you have to tell her I adore her. And her dress at the Met Ball last year was _inspired_. Isaac bitched about it because of the Catholic theme, but _I_ can appreciate a good costume.”

“I’ll be sure to let her know,” Regulus said.

“Wait, does this mean she lives in _Philly_?”

“New York, mostly,” Regulus said. “We have an apartment in Philly, but her name on the lease was just for show.”

“Are you guys, like, best friends, or…?”

“We sort of had to be,” Regulus said. “You can’t have a convincing long-term fake relationship that even your parents believe if you don’t know each other well and get along.”

“Even your _parents_?”

Regulus shrugged. “My parents are super Catholic.”

Max knew what was meant by that, and felt a pang of sympathy. His own parents were wonderful, of course, and both of them were bisexual hippy Reconstructionist Jews. Neither of them had ever been less than perfectly accepting of his sexuality – in fact, they’d known he was gay before he even had. Max didn’t think he kept a single secret from his parents. They’d met all of his boyfriends, and had been informed of all of his major life decisions. He couldn’t fathom not having that.

“My brother’s okay,” Regulus said after a beat. “It’s not as if my entire family is full of shit. My brother and my cousin Cissa are… fine.”

“Fine,” Max repeated. He loved his own brother more than almost anyone else, save his niece and nephew.

“My brother’s a bartender in Chelsea.”

“Chelsea,” Max said.

Regulus nodded, but didn’t elaborate. And, well, Max could guess. For the son of a super Catholic, super well-off family to work as a bartender in _Chelsea_ … it didn’t take a genius.

“This was his idea, actually. Said it would piss our parents off more than anything else I could do. And I thought… why not?”

Max was grateful all at once for his wonderful family and hoped he remembered to call his parents that night. Maybe he’d even stop by Jacob’s apartment for dinner.


	2. Regulus. i.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Auditioning for the show had been Sirius's idea, really.

Regulus had thought Sirius’s idea to be incredibly stupid and full of holes when Sirius had pitched it to him at the bar. He’d stopped by with the intention of moving his things out of Emmeline’s New York apartment (he’d have to get his own place in New York now) but had been distracted by a text from his brother. He was never sure how Sirius always seemed to know when he was in town, but he’d learned early on that if he put in some color contacts and wore a beanie, then no one would recognize him as Emmeline Vance’s soccer player boyfriend.

“I didn’t know your eyes were brown,” Sirius had remarked as Regulus sat down at the bar.

“There’s a lot you don’t notice,” Regulus had said.

“I did notice that a certain brunette broke things off with you.”

Regulus had shrugged. “It wasn’t a real relationship. We’re both  _ gay _ . She just… found someone who she felt was worth the risk of coming out.”

“Have you even been with another guy since…?”

“Sirius, if you’re going to start that, I’ll walk right back out.” He hadn’t, and surely Sirius had known that, but admitting it out loud was something else entirely.

“I don’t suppose I can convince you to come out.”

“After what happened to you?”

“But I’m happy!” Sirius had said. “I’ve got a steady job, a decent apartment, great friends… and I cannot  _ tell _ you how many gorgeous men I’ve been with.”

But Regulus had never wanted a string of random men one after the other. That he could have in Philly, and there was every chance no one would ever know. He wanted…

“I know you want true love and domestic bliss and all that fucking bullshit,” Sirius had said, as if he could read Regulus’s mind, and, well, maybe he could, a little. “But you won’t get that if you stay in the closet. You might get laid, sure, but no one’s going to marry a man who’s in the closet.”

He didn’t know why the possibility of being disowned terrified him still. He was twenty-six years old. He had a job on his own merit, and he made enough money to never need to touch his trust funds. Even if his parents cut him off from everything… he’d be okay. But the thought of never being able to see Narcissa or Draco again made him feel sick, and he knew he’d have to give them up if he got disowned.

“Ciss knows you’re gay, you know. If she had a problem with you being around her kid, you wouldn’t be allowed to see him now. As much of a bitch as she can be, she is one of like… three people who love you unconditionally. Four, if you count the kid.”

Regulus had frowned. “Who are the other two?”

“Me and Em, obviously.”

Regulus had buried his head in his hands. 

“You know, though,” Sirius had said after a moment. “My roommate, Jim, the straight one.”

“The pig?”

“And you swear you’re not an anarchist in training,” Sirius had teased. “Yes, the  _ detective _ . He’s trying out for a reality show. I bet it would piss Mom and Dad off if you auditioned.”

That got Regulus’s attention. “A reality show?”

“I’m sure your manager would agree it’d be great publicity for the Union. And Mom and Dad would fucking  _ freak _ at their precious sweet Catholic son whose pretty and perfect Catholic girlfriend just dumped him for another woman ended up on a reality dating show.”

And so Regulus had spoken with his manager, who’d agreed to let him try out. He hadn’t expected to actually make the cut, but there he was.

He knew Sirius would kill him for just coming out to the stylist like he had, when Regulus had always been so set on staying in the closet. But there was something reassuring about having someone know that it was just a façade – someone to be in on it with. That’s what had made his act with Emmeline not only tolerable, but genuinely enjoyable at times.

He’d swear up and down that it had nothing to do with how  _ adorable _ Max was (and he knew he shouldn’t be thinking a grown man who looked to be around his own age was  _ adorable _ , but he was), or how charming he was, or how every visible inch of Max’s skin was covered in freckles, which had always been Regulus’s biggest weakness – especially combined with blue eyes, which Max also had.

Anything was easier than admitting that, on the very first day on set, he’d gone and gotten a gigantic, stupid crush on one of the stylists.

* * *

It wasn’t until they were all in one room that Regulus nearly had a panic attack. It wasn’t the nature of the show, and it certainly wasn’t the thought of being on national television. It wasn’t the lying, because he’d been lying his entire life. It was that he had never, in a million years, ever thought that he’d ever see Barty Crouch ever again.

He knew he was on camera, so he did his very best to ward off the attack. He could have a fucking meltdown later, off camera. Even if he did get some sort of perverse joy in his parents finding out that their perfect son was the sort of person to have panic attacks on national television.

He managed to get through meeting the Bachelorette on autopilot, and couldn’t really remember anything from seeing Barty to collapsing on the bed that must’ve been his.

“That must be one hell of a panic attack,” a voice said. It sounded familiar, but he knew it wasn’t Barty. “Can you take a deep breath for me?”

“I’m not weak,” Regulus managed.

“Of course you’re not. I’ve had my fair share of panic attacks, and I definitely wouldn’t suggest having one makes you weak.” Regulus realised, dimly, then, that it was Isaac, the doctor-turned-rabbi. The stylist’s friend. “I don’t think anyone else noticed, if that helps at all.”

It didn’t. Regulus managed to breathe and eventually rode it out.

He didn’t look Isaac in the eye, and rubbed at his face with the back of his hand.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Isaac said. “But if you want to… I’ve spent more time in the other end of a hospital than I’d like to admit.”

“What happened to you?”

“My parents were both doctors, my brother was a med student, my sister wanted to be a doctor, and I didn’t have any real idea of what I wanted to do, so I did a double major in chemistry and Jewish studies – which sounds more impressive than it is, really – passed the MCAT, and went to Penn. Mostly because Max was still there, at that point, and I wanted a friendly face. 

“The stress of school was bad enough, and there’s a lot even Max doesn’t know, but it wasn’t until I started my residency that I started actually having breakdowns that were serious enough to have Max call my parents. So he did. And they forced me to spend a weekend at home, I realised I needed help, and checked myself in. 

“After I got out, I knew I couldn’t go back, so I stayed with my parents for like… six months, it must’ve been, talked a lot with Max and my brother and sister and my other friends, went to services every Friday and Saturday and started even going to morning minyan for something structured to do, and realised that I wanted to be a rabbi. Shit timing for it, really; I likely won’t have a salaried job when I get out. But… I certainly wasn’t going back to medicine.”

That was… a lot. And it made Regulus’s own issues seem petty and stupid and not at all worthy of a panic attack.

“My ex is here.”

“This might be obvious, but… in the crew, or as a contestant?”

“Contestant. He’s… it’s not like he’s a rapist, or anything. Everything we did was totally consensual, but he started to get… it was a lot. My parents are hardly the most accepting people in the world – of anything, really – but  _ he _ was, er…” How, exactly, did he tell a Jewish man that there was a literal neo-nazi on the show? “Let’s just say he… goes farther than most nationalists.”

“So he’s a nazi.”

“That’s when it was over. I noticed he was getting more and more right wing, and I should’ve ended it sooner, but…”

“But you’re a white, well-off Catholic.”

“It was more that I was terrified he’d tell my homophobic parents that we’d been fucking and then I’d be disowned like my brother.”

“Shit,” Isaac said. He pulled his phone out of his pocket.

“What are you doing?”

“Texting Max,” Isaac said. “No offense, man, but your makeup looks like shit now, and we still have to film those stupid reaction clips.”

“I don’t even remember meeting her.”

“She’s a doctor; gorgeous, great body. Seems nice.”

Regulus rather thought he could make something work with that. “Thanks.”

Isaac’s phone pinged, and Regulus realised he should text Sirius and Emmeline.

“Max is on his way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really have no idea how much celebrity professional athletes have, let alone soccer players in the US (I can maybe name two American soccer players, neither of whom play for American teams), but I imagine Regulus is more often recognized for being a celebrity's (ex-)boyfriend than as a celebrity in his own right.
> 
> * * *
> 
> Also, as a disclaimer: the idea of Regulus being catholic in this AU is more of a nod to the whole martyr thing than anything else - that and the whole drama of the cave scene.


	3. Max. ii.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max has dinner with his brother

**Messages with** Isaac  
  
**Isaac:** Hey can you come by my room? Makeup emergency   
  


Max rolled his eyes at the text, but told his supervisor he had to help a contestant out with their styling, and was waved off. Good. He texted Isaac and took his kit down the room that Isaac had indicated, and knocked on the door.

“Come in!” Isaac’s voice called.

Max opened the door and noticed immediately that Isaac was not the only one in the room.

“This is a joke, right?” Max asked upon seeing Regulus again.

“No joke,” Isaac said. “He has a makeup emergency, look at him.”

It looked, to Max’s well-trained eye, that Regulus had been crying, and he tried his best not to think on that. Isaac might have been his friend, but he couldn’t go off getting invested in a contestant.

Regulus was talking on the phone. “No, Seer, I’m fine, I swear. What’s he going to do? Go on national television and scream ‘Regulus Black is a fucking homo and I know this because we fucked in high school’?”

Max looked to Isaac, who shrugged.

“ _Sirius_ , I’m  _ fine _ . Now I need to go – no, really, the stylist just came in to touch me up for the reaction shoot in a few minutes. Yes, I’ll let you know if there’s anything else. I  _ promise_, Seer, now shut the fuck up and stop babying me. Fine, I’ll text you. Goodbye. Good _bye_ , Sirius.” Regulus pulled the phone away from his ear and slipped it back into his pocket.

“Sorry about that,” Regulus said. “I just texted my brother, and he wouldn’t stop calling me until I answered.”

“It’s not a problem,” Max said.

“I– I should warn you,” Regulus said, and Max had no idea what he could possibly warn him about. “I, uh, had… dated one of the other contestants, and you said you were Jewish, so… uh…”

Max looked to Isaac.

“His nazi shithead ex-boyfriend is one of the other contestants.”

Well  _ that _ hadn’t been what Max had been expecting. “I’ll, uh, avoid him then. And avoid mentioning I’m Jewish.”

“I’m not – I’m not like that, or anything! I mean – I’m gay but I’m not… I’m not racist, and I’m not antisemitic. I broke up with him.”

Max was sorely tempted to ask Regulus if he’d ever seen anyone about this anxiety disorder he pretty obviously had, but he knew it wasn’t his place to ask that of someone he’d just met. It was difficult to watch, though. 

“Regulus,” Max said gently. “It’s fine. I believe you. Now… why don’t we fix your makeup?”

“Yes, right, thanks.”

Max directed him to a chair, and Regulus sat down. Max looked at his face, and forced himself to examine this beautiful man’s beautiful face as a stylist and not as a gay man who hadn’t gotten laid in ages.

To put it simply: he was a mess.

“You’re going to need to wash your face,” Max said. “I have makeup wipes, but you’ll still need to wash your face after.”

“Okay,” Regulus said.

Max took out his makeup wipes and gently removed the remnants of makeup from Regulus’s face. He pretended not to notice how Regulus seemed to relax in his hands. This would be fine. He was a grown man, not a stupid, hormonal teenager. 

* * *

**Messages with** Isaac  
  
**Isaac:** You know… I can always give him your number   
  
**Max:** omg Isaac stop he’s a contestant!  
  
**Isaac:** So am I.   
  
**Isaac:** And that’s not a no.   
  
**Max:** I guess I can’t actually stop you…  
  


Max unlocked the door to his brother’s apartment building and headed up the elevator. He hadn’t even pressed the button when his phone buzzed again. He didn’t look until after he’d actually pressed the button, because he assumed it was just Isaac again.

He checked his phone once the elevator started moving, and realised with a start that the text was from an unknown number.

**Messages with** (215) XXX-XXXX  
  
**(215) XXX-XXXX:** Hi Max, this is Regulus   
  


Isaac had actually done it. Holy fucking shit, Max was going to kill him. Max saved his number, and noted with no small thrill that he had a Philly area code, as if that meant anything that they were both familiar with the same city. He already knew Regulus played for the Union.

**Messages with** Regulus  
  
**Regulus:** Sorry I realise that’s really forward, but Isaac offered.   
  
**Max:** Oh no it’s fine!!!  
  
**Max:** I’m just going to visit my brother and his family so I might not be very responsive atm  
  
**Regulus:** Sounds like fun. Let me know how it goes.   
  
**Max:** Definitely  
  


He got a text then from Isaac. Well, several texts in rapid succession.

**Messages with** Isaac  
  
**Isaac:** You’re welcome   
  
**Isaac:** And he’s fucking over the moon about this it’s adorable   
  
**Isaac:** I think he has a crush on you   
  


The elevator stopped and Max replied as he made his way to his brother’s apartment. Max felt his heart do a little flip, and felt childish for it. But then he’d always been a hopeless romantic, and Regulus Black, while  _ definitely _ out of his league, was gorgeous.

**Messages with** Isaac  
  
**Max:** Pics or it didn’t happen.  
  


Within seconds, Isaac had sent him a photo of Regulus blushing as he did something on his phone. It wasn't necessarily hard evidence, but it made Max's stomach flutter nonetheless.

**Messages with** Isaac  
  
**Isaac:** He’s asking all kinds of questions about you   
  
**Isaac:** You know it’s not like he’s going to go off with her.   
  
**Max:** That doesn’t mean he’ll go off with me  
  
**Max:** I’m at Jacob’s now so I’ll talk to you tomorrow.  
  


Max knew that it was easier to just walk into Jacob’s apartment than it would be to wait for an answer, so he unlocked the door and walked right in. Almost immediately, he found himself being hugged by his nephew, Rolf.

“Uncle Max!”

Max ruffled his Rolf’s dark curls. He secretly thought Rolf was a stupid name – it wasn’t even a  _ family _ name, like his and Jacob’s were – and that his darling nephew was probably teased for it, but he’d never say as much to his brother or to his sister-in-law. “Hey, kiddo,” Max said. “Where’s your mom and dad?”

“Cooking dinner,” Rolf said. “And Gina’s studying.”

“Then what are you and I supposed to do?”

“Well,” Rolf said, “I could tell you about Charlie.”

“Who’s Charlie?” Max asked, taking Rolf by the hand and leading him into the living room.

“He’s an eighth grader,” Rolf said, “and he’s president of the zoology club. And he’s really cute, Uncle Max, and nice, and he knows _so_ much about animals.”

“Then you should tell me all about him,” Max said.

* * *

“We didn’t expect to see you tonight, Max,” Jacob said.

“I missed you,” Max said, although it hadn’t quite been a week since he’d seen them last.

“I keep telling you, if you want to move out of that hole in Washington Heights, we have a spare room.”

He knew, and Jacob offered it nearly every time. “Isaac’s with me in the hole now, so it’s not so bad.”

“But he’s on that show, isn’t he?” Shira asked.

Max shrugged noncommittally. “He’ll be surrounded by twenty-five gorgeous men and one singular gorgeous woman day in and day out, and he’s told me his character is meant to be straight. I’m not convinced it’ll last.” Truthfully, Max hadn’t pegged his hopes on Isaac winning over the Bachelorette… but a friend on the production team had let slip that there were multiple bi men that season.

“You don’t think he can manage it?” Gina asked. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Isaac with a  _ boyfriend_, but he did have a girlfriend for a while, didn’t he?”

“He had a girlfriend in undergrad, yes,” Max agreed. “But he’s, uh, dated guys, too.”  _ Dated _ was perhaps not the word that Max would use were there not children present, but while he was pretty sure Gina knew what he meant… Rolf certainly didn’t, and there was no reason for an eleven-year-old to know that.

“Were you one of them, Uncle Max?” Gina asked, eyes sparkling.

Max snorted. “Hardly.” It wasn’t entirely a lie. He and Isaac had never had any sort of romantic attachment, anyway, and it had been all Max had needed to assure himself that he was a desperate monogamist who needed all the trappings of a romantic relationship to feel satisfied. Isaac, as Max remembered, had walked away having come to the opposite conclusion.

“I always thought you were rather close,” Jacob said slowly.

“We’re best friends, Jake. Trust me when I say that of  _ all _ the guys I ever had crushes on, Isaac was not among them.”

“You don’t go for Jewish guys,” Shira said, and Max nearly spit out his wine.

“What?”

Shira shrugged. “I don’t know that I’ve ever seen you to go for a Jewish guy – and I’ve known you since you were nine.”

“You have a point,” Jacob agreed.

“Well,” Max began, trying to find some way to defend himself, “it’s not as if I ever plan on having children – I  _ much _ prefer being a doting uncle, thank you both for that – and even if I did… interfaith families are more and more common.”

Jacob rolled his eyes. “You know neither of us are being judgemental. So you like goyische men. Nothing wrong with it.”

“Great,” Max said. “Are we done talking about my love life? Rolf, how’s school?”

As Rolf reliably launched into a one-sided discussion about the past week at school in excruciating detail, Max was well aware of his brother’s eyes on him. He knew that Jacob and Shira both, who had settled down so young (but likely wouldn’t have gotten married at all were it not for the  _ green card _ matter) thought that it was due time that Max find someone. He knew they didn’t care if he was with a Jew or a goy, as long as he was happy.

He spent the night, partly because Jacob asked, and partly because Max was far too exhausted to get all the way back up to Washington Heights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "goyische" - non-Jewish.


	4. Regulus. ii.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regulus is a disaster. Emmeline and Isaac try to help.

There was no denying it. Regulus Black found himself absolutely smitten for the first time in close to a decade. He wasn’t sure what it was – he had known plenty of attractive men in his life, and plenty of men who were both charming and attractive. 

He’d known where this had led before, of course, but this time he had an invaluable benefit: he shared a room with Max’s best friend.

“Just ask him out,” Isaac said after a day of this. Max had just left the room, and Regulus was sure he’d made an ass out of himself staring like he had.

“You say that like it’s easy.”

“No,” Isaac disagreed. “I say it like I know he’ll agree. Because he will.”

Regulus was careful to stay “on” for the show, and was relieved when Lily, the Bachelorette, threw Barty out midway through the first week for a slew of racial slurs. Good riddance. Regulus felt more at ease after that.

He texted Emmeline about his dilemma, and she was less than sympathetic.

**Messages with** Em  
  
**Em:** Reg u absolute bitch  
  
**Em:** If u don’t ask this adorable twink out ill murder u  
  
**Em:** U!  
  
**Em:** DESERVE!!  
  
**Em:** 2!!!  
  
**Em:** B!!!!  
  
**Em:** HAPPY!!!!!  
  


Regulus knew she was right, but it was hard to reckon with years of being told that he  _ didn’t _ deserve the sort of happiness he wanted – the simple domesticity he’d always craved with another man. There was no telling that that was what Max wanted, anyway. Max carried himself like someone who was totally comfortable in his sexuality; why would he be content to be with someone like him?

He’d never had a proper relationship, anyway. He’d considered Barty his boyfriend at the time, but they certainly hadn’t been able to do most of the things Regulus desperately wanted: go out on dates, hold hands, engage in simple acts of intimacy.

It had always driven him mad with envy to see how Narcissa and her husband acted. He knew he ought to have been happy for her, because she was married to someone whom she adored and who adored her in turn, but all of their small touches and whispered  endearments and reassurances made him physically ache.

Toward the end of the second week, Regulus and Isaac relaxed in their room, sharing some fancy face mask Max had procured.

“You need to ask him out,” Isaac said. “He’s getting antsy. Here.” He handed his phone – unlocked – to Regulus, who rather thought it was an invasion of privacy and said as much.

“Most of it is stupid memes,” Isaac said. 

Regulus locked Isaac’s phone and handed it back to him. “I’m not going to read them,” he said. Much as he wanted to.

“Fine, then give me your phone and I’ll text him for you.”

“I’m not going to ask him out over  _ text,_” Regulus said.

“God, you’re every bit as much of a stupid hopeless romantic as he is, aren’t you?”

“Is he?” Regulus asked.

“I’m telling you this because you’ll find out anyway, and it meant nothing.” That was never a good start, but Regulus nodded. “One time… actually, just a little over a year ago now, right after I’d applied to rabbinical school, Max and I got drunk off of wine and agreed to try being friends with benefits, because it’d been  _ forever _ since either of us had gotten laid. We didn’t do much besides make out until we’d sobered up, but we were both still game after, so we did.”

“Oh,” Regulus said.

“And like – I don’t think I’m bad in bed, and Max swears up and down that wasn’t it, anyway, and it’s not like – I’ll be honest, I’m a top and he’s a bottom, and it all looked really good on paper, but he wasn’t into it at all. Started going on about how he needs all the flowers and romance. Which – okay, sure. Some people do.”

“You don’t?” Regulus asked rather than address the fact that Max and Isaac had had sex and were still best friends.

“I mean, I want to get married and settle down eventually. And I want kids, but I don’t care if they’re adopted or I use a surrogate or I’m married to their mother. But I’ve just started rabbinical school, and that’ll be another three and a half years,  _ assuming _ I finish on time and don’t have any other serious episodes. A year of that will be in Israel, and then once I graduate, who knows where I’ll find a job? It’s not worth worrying about until after all that’s said and done.”

“Are there – a lot of bisexual rabbis?” Regulus asked, trying hard to keep the discussion away from Max.

Isaac shrugged. “There are enough that I’m not remarkable in that. But about Max – he goes crazy for all that romantic bullshit. His parents are still madly in love, and his brother and sister-in-law are disgustingly cute, and Max has always made it very clear that he wants that, too. He’s known… as long as I can remember, really, that what he really wants is to marry a nice boy and live somewhere cozy with books and a cat.”

Regulus couldn’t fathom what it must be like to believe, from an early age, that having all of that with another man was possible, let alone be able to admit he wanted that himself. There was no way, Regulus knew, that someone that well-adjusted would ever want to be with him.

“I think, personally, he’s read way too many romance novels.  _ Romance novels_. Seriously.” Isaac grinned wickedly and turned to Regulus. “I think I have a picture somewhere of his romance novel collection. I mean, I’ve read some of them, and they’re not like, completely terrible, but… they’re all super cheesy, and real people don’t act like that.”

Regulus had never let himself read a romance novel. He knew Emmeline had a few, probably had left some in his apartment in Philly, that were man-on-man, but his perceptions of sex and relationships were fucked up enough without adding another layer to it. “I’ve never read one.”

“Is that so?” Isaac asked, tapping at his phone.

Moments later, Regulus got a text from Max.

**Messages with** Max  
  
**Max:** You’ve never read a ROMANCE NOVEL??   
  
**Regulus:** Isaac told you.  
  
**Max:** Damn right he did.   
  
**Max:** What’s your email   
  
**Regulus:** Why  
  
**Max:** I’m getting you a gift   
  


“He’s buying me a romance novel,” Regulus said to Isaac. “I hope you’re satisfied.”

“Very,” Isaac said.

Regulus turned back to his phone. Max had texted him again.

**Messages with** Max  
  
**Max:** If you don’t give me your email I’ll have to give you one in person and I think that would be more embarrassing   
  
**Regulus:** Personal email?  
  
**Max:** Unless you want gay smut delivered to your professional email   
  
**Regulus:** Keep in mind I made this email when I was sixteen  
  
**Max:** Okay…   
  
**Regulus:** It’s lepetitroidulion@gmail.com  
  
**Max:** THE LITTLE LION KING?   
  
**Regulus:** It’s my name, okay? Astronomy! Not just a saint!  
  
**Max:** Omg ur adorable asfdgk   
  
**Max:** Ftr my email when I was 16 was like… idk some dumb say anything reference I’m sure   
  
**Max:** I’ll remember eventually and then you can tease me for being such an emo kid   
  
**Regulus:** I was an emo kid, too  
  
**Max:** Omg I need pics!!   
  
**Regulus:**...Let me see if Em still has any  
  


He tapped and opened his messages with Emmeline

**Messages with** Em  
  
**Reg:** Do you happen to have any pictures of me from my emo phase?  
  
**Em:** Ooh did cute stylist boy ask   
  
**Reg:** Maybe  
  
**Em:** Say no more!   
  


A few minutes later, Emmeline sent him a series of photos of them around age sixteen or so. They looked ridiculous; Emmeline had dyed her hair some bright color and cut it choppily, and Regulus’s bangs hung in his eyes. The most embarrassing part was how cool they clearly thought they looked. He noticed that she’d cropped Barty out of all of them (knew that Barty had never been far from his side back then) and felt immensely grateful.

**Messages with** Em  
  
**Em:** Since I’m in these u need 2 ask him out   
  
**Em:** That’s the trade   
  
**Reg:** You already sent me the pictures  
  
**Em:** REG   
  
**Reg:** I will! Eventually! It’s been a fucking decade Em!  
  
**Em:** You’d better.   
  


Regulus rolled his eyes and forwarded the pictures on to Max.

**Messages with** Max  
  
**Max:** OH MY GOD   
  
**Max:** IS THAT EMMELINE   
  
**Regulus:** I told you we’d been friends forever  
  
**Max:** ASFHDLDS SHE LOOKS LIKE A KNOCKOFF HAYLEY WILLIAMS   
  
**Max:** IA M D Y I N G   
  
**Regulus:** I thought you wanted to see pictures of ME as an emo kid?  
  
**Max:** I do!!! But omg Emmeline Vance looking like a knockoff Hayley Williams is too great!!   
  
**Max:** Ok but u were ADORABLE   
  
**Max:** (not that u aren’t now)   
  
**Max:** 10/10 definitely would have had a giant awkward crush on you in high school   
  


Regulus felt himself blush at that, and immediately felt stupid and embarrassed. Max was just being nice. He was nice. That’s all there was to it. He was well-adjusted and confident and comfortable in his sexuality; Regulus was none of that. Nothing would come of it.


	5. Max. iii.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max and Regulus discuss some of the other contestants

Max typed and deleted the message ten times. It wasn’t hard. He could admit that he had a crush on this guy – he’d sent Isaac no less than twenty useless twink memes in the past week. But somehow admitting it to Regulus himself felt like a lot.

_ (Definitely have a giant awkward crush on you rn ashsdflhl) _

Isaac sent him another picture of Regulus then, staring at his phone, visible signs of a blush peeking out from underneath his face mask.

He really was too adorable.

Max saved the photo to a growing folder of pictures of Regulus. After a second’s hesitation, he saved the pictures Regulus had sent him of himself and Emmeline Vance in high school.

**Messages with** Isaac  
  
**Max:** He’s too fucking adorable why am I such a useless twink  
  
**Isaac:** I tried to convince him to ask you out but I think he’s more useless than you are.   
  
**Max:** That’s not possible  
  
**Isaac:** That’s what I thought   
  
**Isaac:** You should definitely flirt with him more.   
  
**Max:** Oh trust me  
  
**Max:** I intend to  
  


But for now, he skimmed through his knowledge of gay romance novels to try to find one that Regulus would enjoy. What would appeal to a mostly closeted (because Max was  _ certain _ Regulus was still in the closet), well-off, semifamous Catholic?

He eventually settled on one of his old favourites, which was a period piece set in late Victorian London. The main characters were a young lord with the weight of the world on his shoulders and a playwright. (Max had his suspicions that the inspiration for this particular novel came from Oscar Wilde’s life, but the novel had a happy ending, at least).

Max deleted his half-confession and sent another text to Regulus instead.

**Messages with** Regulus  
  
**Max:** Just sent it! Lmk what you think!  
  
**Max:** (it’s an old favorite)  
  
**Regulus:** Absolutely!   
  


It would be so easy, Max knew, to send a flirty picture, but his nerve failed him at the last moment.

He really was useless.

* * *

It wasn’t his first season on the show, and he knew how it went: he had far too much work to do in the beginning, and as the weeks progressed and the contestant pool thinned, he had more and more time to spend as he wished.

Typically, he used this time to gossip with the other crew members, or do a bit of light reading. He was required to be on set, so there was no sense in leaving.

This season was different. It seemed that either Isaac or Regulus were constantly in need of a touch up.

Max wasn’t stupid; he knew that this was a ruse to spend more time together. Regulus also had juicier gossip than the other crew members.

“You know that NYPD detective?”

Max knew just the one. “With the messy black hair? The one that reminds me of –”

“Every homophobic bully who ever hit you?” Regulus guessed. “That’s the one.”

Max nodded. “I’ve seen him around. Admittedly haven’t spoken to him much.”

“He’s my brother’s roommate.”

“But your brother’s gay,” Max said.

“And swears up and down that  _ Jim _ – that’s what he calls him –  _ isn’t _ homophobic.”

“You don’t believe it.”

“Not a bit,” Regulus confirmed. “He’s always been kind of a dick to me. Of course, he doesn’t  _ know_, but…”

“Shit, that sucks.”

Regulus shrugged. “I don’t think Sirius has told him, but it can’t be difficult to figure out why I talk to him so much when no one else in our family has spoken to him in over a decade.”

“Over a decade?” Max asked. His own brother was a decade older than him, but that wasn’t exactly common, and he didn’t know how to ask Regulus if that were the case.

“He was fifteen.”

Fifteen. Gina was  _ seventeen _ and he’d be  _ terrified _ to leave her out on her own. Fifteen was a  _ child_. Regulus smiled bitterly at Max’s expression. 

“Yeah. Exactly. He became an emancipated minor, our uncle – who, it turned out, was also gay – gave him a decent amount of money, and Sirius went to live with his friends from school. Mom and Dad made it clear, then…”

“Oh,” Max said, because what else could he say? He certainly didn’t understand it, but he wasn’t unfamiliar with that sort of homophobic bullshit. He and Isaac were lucky, and had loving, accepting families. Many of Max’s other friends didn’t have the same luxury.

“Em says I need to go to therapy.”

“Might not be a bad idea,” Max said. “I know Isaac can recommend some gay-friendly therapists in Philly.”

“You know, sometimes, during that thing with Em, I’d just say it to myself. Look in the mirror, ‘I’m gay’. It helped, a little. But I’ll ask Isaac for his recommendations.”

“I’m sure he’d be happy to help.”

“Max, it’s not like… I don’t think you know how it’s been for me. I know your parents are – accepting, and you’re close to them and… I’m still in the closet. You’re one of… five people who knows.”

Max had known, of course, that Regulus was still in the closet, but somehow he still hadn’t expected the number to be so low. Especially when Max could guess four of the five without needing to stop to think. 

“I understand if that… bothers you,” Regulus said.

“Bothers me?” Max asked.

“That I’m – I’m not out. I mean I’m twenty-six, and I’ve known I was gay since I was fourteen, and I’ve only told five people. Two of whom were complete strangers.” He laughed, but there was no humour in it. “Sirius thinks I’m a bonafide idiot.”

“Why would he say that?”

Regulus met Max’s gaze then, and Max was struck by the emotion in his beautiful grey eyes. “Because…” he trailed off, as if he couldn’t get the nerve to finish.

“Because?” Max prompted.

Regulus dropped his gaze to his lap. “I wasn’t allowed to think that I could ever… find someone. And I don’t – I don’t  _ do _ hookups, like my brother does. My  _ only _ relationship was a disaster, and there was a good while where I thought Em and I would just end up getting married to avoid disappointing our parents. My parents aren’t in love, but my cousin, Cissa, she and her husband are  _ madly _ in love, and it always made me so jealous… because I wanted that. But I can’t.”

“Why can’t you?” Max asked. “It’s twenty-eighteen.”

“Because I’m still in the closet,” Regulus said, as though it were obvious. “I can’t exactly get  _ married _ when I’m still in the closet. Which… I want to do eventually. And it’s been so long now that I don’t know whether I’ll ever have the nerve to come out.”

Max wasn’t sure how to respond, but Regulus continued.

“I’m… fully aware of how dangerous this is,” he said, “but I’ve never…” He took a deep breath. “I like you, Max.”

Max had known this, of course, between Isaac’s meddling and the fact that Regulus seemed to constantly need touch ups from Max (and no one else), and texted him constantly. But it was one thing to know it, and another to actually hear the words come out of Regulus’s mouth.

“I like you, too,” Max said, reaching to clasp Regulus’s hand.

Regulus, to Max’s confusion, looked shocked. “Really?”

“I’m  _ sure _ Isaac has been telling you all about what a pathetic twink I am.”

“I just sort of thought…”

“That I’m like this with every guy?” Max asked. “Because I’m  _ definitely _ not. Normally, I’m totally fucking professional.”

“Max,” Regulus began, “I’m  _ not out_.”

“I know that,” Max said. “I’m not asking you to out yourself.”

“But if we… if we  _ date_…”

Max knew he’d want to tell everyone he knew if he went out with Regulus. “Just because I’d  _ want _ to tell everyone doesn’t mean I would.”

“You’d want to tell everyone?” Regulus asked, as if he couldn’t believe it. And, well, maybe he couldn’t.

“But I wouldn’t tell  _ anyone _ if you didn’t want me to.”

Regulus bit his lip. “You’re too nice.” He looked down to his hands. “Em made me promise to ask you out.”

“Oh,” Max said. He tried not to focus on the fact that Emmeline Vance not only knew who he was, but had told Regulus to ask him out.

“So, er,” Regulus said. “After… this is all over… would you want to… get dinner?”

“I’d love to,” Max said. “And we wouldn’t have to… if you would rather not be out in public…”

Regulus breathed a sigh of relief. “We could, I mean, I don’t want you to think I have any kind of… ideas.”

“Regulus,” Max said softly, leaning in close, “I  _ certainly _ wouldn’t complain if you wanted to have sex with me.”

“I’ve only–” Regulus began, face flushing red. “It’s… been a while.”

“I can wait,” Max assured him, “if that’s what you want.”

“I can cook,” Regulus said, “and I’d love to cook for you.”

“I’d love that,” Max said. He leaned in even closer to Regulus. He gathered up all his nerve. Regulus  _ liked _ him. “And I’d… love it even more if you kissed me.”

Max thought for a second that he wouldn’t do it, but then Regulus exhaled and pressed his lips against his in a chaste kiss. Max knew this was stupid, especially while the show was still running, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am, uh, not a James Potter fan, just fyi, if you couldn't tell already.


	6. Regulus. iii.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius gives his brother some advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for skipping the last update! I went to see Saves the Day on Sunday and spent the day in the city, and only realised after I was in the city that I'd forgotten to update!

Regulus was in a great mood for the rest of the week. He was still careful to stay in character, but even being forced into close quarters with James Potter, pig extraordinaire, for a group date wasn’t enough to destroy his good mood.

They were in the fifth week of production, and had been taken, for some ungodly reason, to Los Angeles. Regulus had never been a fan of hot weather, but he minded it a lot less with Max in the hotel room across the hall.

He couldn’t stop thinking about their kiss. He knew it had hardly been the most passionate kiss of  _ either _ of their lives, but it had certainly been more action than  _ Regulus _ had had in the past eight and a half years.

That line of thought made him anxious. There was no way to know if this thing with Max would even develop into anything, if they wouldn't just fizzle out. 

But if they didn't… Regulus hadn't had any kind of sexual experience in the past nine years (eight and a half if you considered a sloppy drunken makeout session “sexual experience”, which Regulus wasn't sure he did). He wasn't sure how long it had been for Max, but at the most he knew it had been just over a year. 

Isaac had given solid advice before, but if Regulus had to guess, he’d say Isaac was currently fucking that NGO translator. (Isaac certainly didn’t have bad taste, but Max had been right when he’d said that Isaac couldn’t pass as straight while surrounded by attractive men). 

He didn’t want to dissolve into an anxiety attack, so he texted Sirius.

**Messages with** Sirius  
  
**Regulus:** I kissed Max  
  
**Sirius:** Those were three words I never expected to read   
  
**Sirius:** Congrats, baby brother   
  
**Regulus:** Now I’m anxious  
  
**Sirius:** How long ago did you kiss him?   
  
**Regulus:**...Three days ago.  
  
**Sirius:** Did he kiss you back?   
  
**Regulus:** I didn’t give him a chance. But he asked me to kiss him and he told me he liked me and wanted to go out with me and it’s been literally a decade  
  
**Sirius:** Ok I’m sure I didn’t read that right   
  
**Sirius:** a DECADE?   
  
**Regulus:** I mean nine years if you want to be exact  
  
**Sirius:** Since you’ve gone on a date   
  
**Sirius:** Or since you’ve been fucked?   
  
**Sirius:** (Fucked someone? Idk what you like)   
  
**Regulus:** Both  
  
**Regulus:** And either  
  
**Regulus:** Also your roommate Jim is a dick  
  
**Sirius:** Yeah he is but he has a good heart   
  
**Sirius:** Shit though I can’t believe it’s literally been a decade   
  
**Regulus:** Having your brother get disowned for being gay when he was a teenager and then having all of your parents expectations on you afterward can do a number on you I guess  
  
**Sirius:** Rip   
  
**Sirius:** No in all seriousness Reg like you need a therapist or some shit   
  
**Sirius:** A fucking decade   
  
**Sirius:** Shit   
  
**Regulus:** Barty turning out to be absolutely fucking psychotic didn’t help  
  
**Regulus:** But it wasn’t as if I was going to get myself disowned after what happened to you  
  
**Sirius:** It’s not that I don’t understand   
  
**Sirius:** It’s that I figured you’d at least had a couple of flings or first dates or one night stands   
  
**Regulus:** Nope  
  
**Sirius:** Look   
  
**Sirius:** If he’s half as nice as you claim he is, he’ll understand   
  
**Sirius:** Even the most privileged and well-adjusted of us have had to deal with homophobia   
  
**Regulus:** I guess…  
  
**Sirius:** Just go talk to him, idiot. He can’t be that far away.   
  
**Regulus:** If this goes to hell, I’m blaming you  
  
**Sirius:** Whatever helps you sleep at night, baby brother. <3   
  


Regulus sighed and locked his phone before heading across the hall. He knocked once at Max’s door, and hoped he could manage this.

Max opened the door, looking adorably dishevelled, and Regulus wondered if he’d woken him up. He was about to apologise for disturbing him when Max smiled warmly at him. “Reg. Hi. Want to come in?”

Regulus nodded. “That’d be great.”

Max stepped aside and Regulus went inside the room. He was surprised to find it empty of any other person, although there was a second bed.

Max shut the door and went to sit down on one of the beds. “My roommate is with her boyfriend. He’s a cameraman.”

“Oh,” Regulus said.

Max patted the spot next to him, and Regulus crawled onto the bed. “What’s up?” Max asked.

“I feel like I owe you an explanation,” Regulus said.

“Okay,” Max said. “An explanation for what?”

“It’ll come up later,” Regulus said. “I thought… preemptively would be best.”

Max took Regulus’s hands in his. “I’m listening.”

He’d intended to be more tactful, but Max’s hands on his were soft and warm and he didn’t deserve any of this. “It’s been almost a decade since I’ve had sex with anyone.”

Max looked shocked for a few seconds and tried to school his expression (not very successfully, but Regulus appreciated the effort). “Oh.”

“I know I said a long time, but it’s been… a little over nine years, now. I tried – a few times – to have… you know, just a one-off thing, but every time, I got nervous and backed out before we’d so much as kissed.”

“It sounds,” Max said gently, “like you get nervous a lot.”

“I do,” Regulus admitted. In fact, his stomach was churning at that very moment.

“I do, too,” Max said. “I usually take medication for it, but sometimes I forget.”

“Medication?” He’d never spoken to his parents about it, of course, but considering he’d been plagued by anxiety since childhood, he assumed they weren’t in favor of psychiatric medication.

“Mmhm,” Max hummed. “For anxiety and for ADHD. Not that it helps me be less annoying, but – you know, I can focus when I need to.”

“I didn’t think you had any problems,” Regulus blurted before he could think. Immediately, he felt horribly embarrassed, but Max smiled.

“I’m a gay Jew,” Max said. “I’ve got plenty of problems – I just have a great support system to help me.”

“Oh,” Regulus said, feeling incredibly stupid.

“I’ll admit to being mostly well-adjusted,” Max said. “But it’s not like it hasn’t been something I’ve been continuously working on since I was eight years old.”

“ _Eight?” _ That seemed, to Regulus, to be impossibly young to know you had anxiety.

Max shrugged. “It’s kind of hard to ignore when your kid gets up during class and walks around. Plus, my dad’s always had similar issues. And my brother, too. So they did pretty comprehensive testing.”

“My brother definitely has anxiety,” Regulus said. “But I doubt he’s ever gotten help for it.” Because then Sirius would never stop badgering him about it, and he hadn’t mentioned it once.

“I certainly wouldn’t judge you if you did.” Max took one of his hands off of Regulus’s and carded his fingers through his hair. Max had touched his hair before, of course – he was a stylist; it was his  _ job _ – but this time felt different. Perhaps it was because Max  _ wasn’t _ styling his hair, and that this was a sign of intimacy. It sent a pleasant shiver down Regulus’s spine, and he leaned in to Max’s touch.

“When it comes to – sex,” Regulus said.

“I was serious when I said I could wait,” Max said. “You don’t need to prove anything to me.”

“I know,” Regulus said, “and I’m grateful for that, but… that’s not what I was going to say.”

“Okay,” Max said, and waited.

“I never really – had a preference. For, um, a position.”

“Okay,” Max said slowly. “Well, if you’re asking me, I’m a pretty big bottom, but it’s not like I’ve never topped before.”

“I just think, maybe, the first time – if-if there  _ is _ a first time – if you wouldn’t mind…?” He cleared his throat. This was awkward, but he knew it had to be said.

“Being on top?” Max guessed.

Regulus nodded, and Max leaned in to kiss him. It was  _ far _ less chaste than the one they’d shared a few days before, and Regulus could only imagine how out of practise he probably was. It was possible to be clearly out of practise with kissing, wasn’t it? At any rate, Max had probably had a good decade’s worth of kissing more than he had. Max didn’t seem to mind, and he slid his hand from Regulus’s hair to cup his jaw. Max tasted like cinnamon toothpaste, and Regulus felt only slightly overwhelmed. Max trailed soft, open-mouthed kisses up Regulus’s jaw and whispered in his ear, “That’s an ‘of course I’ll top for you’, if you needed clarification.”

“Th-thanks,” Regulus managed. “I mean, I’m sure I can…” Max trailed kisses lazily down Regulus’s neck, as if he couldn’t get enough. He could feel Max grin into his neck when he hit a particularly sensitive spot that made Regulus’s breath hitch.

“I  _ really _ like you, Regulus,” Max breathed.

“I-I really like you, too,” Regulus said.

Max pulled away, “I want to make one thing clear,” he said.

Regulus felt his stomach flip, but he couldn’t tell if it was anxiety or something else. “Yes?”

“Well, two things,” Max said. “The first,” – here he kissed Regulus again – “is that I want you to tell me if I do  _ anything _ to make you uncomfortable.”

“O-okay.” If anything, the problem so far was that everything with Max felt too  _ right_, like Max could do whatever he wanted to him and it’d all be okay.

“The second,” – he slipped his other hand up the front of Regulus’s shirt and ghosted his fingers over Regulus’s abs – “I absolutely respect that you’re not ready to tell anyone else – may never want to tell anyone else – but I want to make sure that  _ you _ know that I would be fucking honored to tell the entire world that you’re mine.”

“Oh,” Regulus said. “Th-thank you.”

Max kissed him. “Of course,” he murmured between kisses. Max was gentle and sweet and kind and Regulus wasn’t sure why, but it almost made him want to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, since they're together, any guesses on what the rest of the fic covers? Or who gets down to the final three on the show? Or anything else, really?


	7. Max. iv.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max has some words for Isaac.

If chaste, closed mouth kisses exchanged with contestants would be frowned upon, Max was absolutely certain he’d be fired on the spot if anyone on the production team found out he’d spent half the night making out with a contestant.

It wasn’t as if he could be blamed for it, of course. Regulus had come to his room to talk to him about having sex. No one, Max was sure, could have resisted Regulus’s beautiful grey eyes, especially when he looked so vulnerable.

Max _was_ , however, becoming more and more certain by the day that Regulus was a hot fucking mess held together only by pressure and years of practise.

He tried his very best to look professional, like nothing at all had happened, when he went to do makeup for Dirk Cresswell, a contestant who Max was sure would become a fan favorite when the show actually aired. Dirk had the sort of boy next door charm that typically did Max in, spoke at least half a dozen languages, and worked for some NGO or other. He’d heard whispers from one of the cameramen, Benjy, that Dirk was openly bisexual, and, unlike with Isaac, the producers had decided to incorporate this for drama. Max wasn’t sure he trusted the kind of drama straight people stirred up around bisexuality, but he knew better than to say so too openly.

Today, Max had the delicate task of covering up a truly _ridiculous_ number of hickies that Dirk swore were there from _before_ the competition. Max had a good idea who was responsible, and it wasn’t the Bachelorette by any means. And, well, Isaac _was_ great in bed, and Max knew for a _fact_ that Isaac loved giving hickies, like he was still in high school.

Max, tactfully, didn’t mention Isaac or Regulus while he worked on some of the more stubborn hickies. “You can’t swim like this,” he said. “ _Whoever_ it was,” (almost definitely Isaac) “must have been very… determined.”

“Especially for them to last several months, eh?”

“Remarkable of them to just surface now,” Max said.

“Isn’t it?”

“Do you speak Hebrew, by chance, Dirk?” Max asked.

Dirk flushed a deep red, and Max’s suspicions were confirmed. “Not quite,” he said. “Arabic, French, Spanish, Russian, German, Korean, Swahili, and Igbo. But no Hebrew.”

“Pity,” Max said. “My nephew is studying for his bar mitzvah, and he’s sort of fixated on Hebrew lately.”

“Oh,” Dirk said. “Well, wish him luck for me.”

“I will,” Max promised. When he was done and his things all packed, he asked, “Do you want anything for your ass? Ice pack, maybe? I know Isaac can be a lot sometimes.”

Dirk was bright red again. “You can’t tell anyone.”

“Why would I tell anyone?” Max asked. “Isaac’s been my best friend since we were literally in diapers. We grew up down the street from each other.”

“So he’s not your ex?” Dirk asked.

“Nope.” Max shrugged. “Slept with him _once_ about a year ago, but mostly I’ve just seen the people he hooks up with leaving our apartment. You may actually want that ice pack. In case there’s anything strenuous today.”

“You don’t think I’m being disingenuous?”

Max snorted. “You’re on a reality show. Everyone is lying about something, or at _least_ exaggerating something. And I _definitely_ don’t think there’s anything wrong with being _bi_. I think – I’m the only one in my family who _isn’t_.”

“Oh,” Dirk said. “I… think I’ll take that ice pack.”

* * *

“Dirk Cresswell?” Max asked when he entered Isaac and Regulus’s room.

Isaac shrugged. “He’s cute.”

“Did he give you half as many hickeys as you gave him?”

“A few, I think. Haven’t really looked.”

“He thought we’d dated,” Max said, taking out his kit and pulling Isaac’s shirt off over his head. Sure enough, he had several hickeys. “Are you _teenagers_?”

“You’re just pissy because it embarrassed you when I did it to you.”

“Considering my brother now gets this fucking _look_ on his face whenever you come up in conversation, yeah, a little.”

“How was I supposed to know he’d come by _my_ parents’ house?” Isaac asked as Max started covering up the hickies.

“Sometimes I swear you do this for attention.”

“Well, you know me,” Isaac said, which was as good as admitting it. Regulus might have been a hot mess, Max thought, but at least he acknowledged it. Isaac had an infuriating tendency to behave as if everything was fine and use extremely unhealthy coping mechanisms.

At least he wasn’t drinking anymore. If Max was a bit rougher than he strictly had to be, well, Isaac deserved it.

“Your _brother_ saw?” Regulus asked from his spot on his bed.

Max looked to Isaac, who shrugged. “Oh, of course I told him. Cards on the table, right? Enough people think we’re a couple, might as well admit we fucked once and you got all weepy because you wanted a _boyfriend_.”

“I did not get _weepy_ ,” Max protested, dabbing a bit too roughly at a hickey. Isaac yelped, and Max rolled his eyes. “Reg, my brother came by the next morning to drop off some cookies he’d made for Isaac’s family because he’s a literal angel, and _Isaac_ had made a game the night before to see how many hickies he could give me in places I couldn’t hide.”

“You liked it when I was _doing_ it.”

“I was twenty-five!” Max said, “Not fifteen!” Which wasn’t a denial, but he hoped it got his point across. As fun as it might have been at the time, it wasn’t worth the aftermath. Not with Isaac, at least. He rather thought if Regulus left him covered in hickies, he’d show them off. But then he wouldn’t need to convince his brother he _wasn’t_ in love with Regulus.

“Okay, okay,” Isaac said.

“The worst part is it was _Jacob_. If it had been my parents, or even Shira, I could convince _them_ it was all in good fun, but Jacob is _weird_ about sex.”

“Yeah, why is that?” Isaac asked. “Your parents are totally cool…”

“I’ve never asked, but if I had to guess… it’s probably because Jacob lost his virginity studying abroad in Israel and came back with Shira. I don’t think he’s ever fully understood that you can have sex with someone and both... not be in love with them and not _fall_ in love with them.”

“Did he _tell_ you that he lost his virginity then? Because, god he must’ve been, what… nineteen? Twenty?”

“And how old were you? Or how old was I, for that matter?”

Isaac thought about it. “Fuck… was I nineteen or twenty? _You_ were twenty, because I remember teasing you about it. So I must’ve been nineteen. But we didn’t _marry_ them.”

“I was twenty-one,” Max corrected. “Just turned. You were nineteen, though. Well, with a girl. You didn’t fuck a guy until med school, right?”

“But he _told_ you?” Isaac asked.

“ _Years_ later, when I did Birthright. Told me Shira was the only person he’d ever been with.”

“I think that’s kind of romantic,” Regulus said.

“I’d rather die,” Isaac said.

Max shrugged. “I think it can be romantic… but I’m obviously not about to marry the guy I lost my virginity to.”

“At least _he_ was decent.”

“You need to go back to therapy,” Max said bluntly. He knew where things led when Isaac talked about his ex. Isaac was, obviously, still half in love with her, and that was part of the problem, but it wasn’t Max’s job to make sure he addressed that. Especially since she was married now.

“Yeah, probably,” Isaac agreed.

Max finished up with Isaac’s makeup, and turned to Regulus. “At least _one_ person doesn’t have any hickies for me to cover up.”

“You would know,” Regulus said. Holy shit, was he _flirting_? Max got crazier for this man every day, and half half a mind to kiss him right then and there.

“ _Really_ , Max? You’re off criticising me for fucking Dirk, and you and Regulus–”

“Just made out a little,” Max said, walking over to Regulus with his kit, “and I was very careful not to leave hickies on someone at a point where we’re probably going to have a beach episode. I don’t know _how_ you’re going to explain it to the production crew that you and Dirk have matching hickies and he just _somehow_ seems to have a sore asshole.”

“Okay,” Isaac said, “that’s fair enough. We didn’t think it through.”

“Will there be hickies later?” Regulus asked.

Max kissed him quickly on the lips. “If you want. After you’re done filming.”


	8. Regulus. iv.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regulus and Max get some quality time alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feat. lots of coding, so that's why this is late rip

They went the next week to London, and Regulus found himself in a single room across the hall from Max. He knew he needed to try to get eliminated sooner rather than later – that this show had a  _ meet the family _ segment, and Regulus needed to figure out how the  _ hell _ to get that to work when the only family members he  _ liked _ hated each other. Putting his parents on the show was a terrible idea, but he wasn’t sure he could get out of that.

He talked to Max about it the first night in London as they lay cuddled up in Regulus’s bed together, watching reruns of Doctor Who.

“You can always quit,” Max said, carding his fingers through Regulus’s hair. “Someone does at least once a season.”

“I don't want to quit, though,” Regulus said. The idea was incredibly tempting, but every time he considered it, he thought about going back to his empty apartment in Philly while Max would doubtlessly want to stay on in New York. “I guess if I get to the final round, I’ll have to, but I didn’t anticipate making it this far.”

“Well,” Max said, “you  _ are _ pretty adorable.”

“If not this week, then next week, or I don’t know… I guess the world will see Orion and Walburga Black.”

“Honestly, what is  _ with _ your family names?”

“My dad… I have no idea, actually. I know  _ I _ was named for the saint.”

“There’s a Saint  _ Regulus_?” Max asked. “Sorry, I’m not exactly up to date on all the obscure Catholic saints.”

“There’s a lot of them,” Regulus said, “but yes, there’s a Saint Regulus. Sirius, I think, was probably named to spite my grandfather. My parents are like that. And my mom…”

“Your mom…?”

Regulus shifted a bit. “She’s German?”

“Is this actually of significance, or is this your anxiety talking? Because I promise you, Reg, while your parents seem  _ vile_, I’m not going to fault you for being related to them.”

“I mean, she was thirty-six when she had me… her parents were young when they had her. Like.. I think they were eighteen, or something.” He tried to think, but his parents didn’t talk much about less favorable aspects of their family history. “I don’t  _ think _ they were Nazis, but I can’t be entirely sure.”

“You’re not one,” Max said, shifting so that he could rest his head against Regulus’s chest.

“Your parents won’t mind that I’m…?”

“Half-German?” Max asked. “No, I don’t think so. Dad was born into some low-level British nobility, or something; you expect me to believe his family didn’t benefit from antisemitism?”

“I thought your dad was Jewish?” Regulus asked.

“He is,” Max said, “but he… you’re not supposed to  _ tell _ people that people are converts, but he never minds. So he is. And he’s just as Jewish as me or Isaac, but he definitely did grow up low-level British nobility. Did you really think the last name  _ Scamander _ was traditionally Jewish?”

Regulus hadn’t thought much on it. “I dunno,” he said. “Doesn’t sound  _ British _ though.”

Max shrugged. “The point is, no one in my family will care that you’re half-German. Mom’s family came over after a pogrom, anyway, before the Holocaust. Dad converted. I guess Shira might care, a little, but I think her family was in Egypt before they went to Israel. Besides, no one would hold that against  _ you_.”

Regulus felt himself breathe a sigh of relief. He didn’t know when he’d started to be concerned about what Max’s family might think of him.

“Wait,” Max said. “You said ‘ _won’t _ mind’...”

So he had. “I…” Regulus started. “I think if we… know this’ll work… I don’t want you lying to your family if that makes you uncomfortable. I still… don’t know if I’d ever want to go  _ pubic_, but…”

“Oh, my parents will absolutely adore you,” Max said easily. “I’ve already told them all about you. Not that – not that you’re gay, or that we’re together, but just… you know. General stuff. Though it was hard not to laugh when Jacob told me to calm down last weekend because did we even know if you  _ liked _ men...  _ after _ we’d made out.”

Regulus almost told Max that he didn’t mind if he told his family, but he panicked and said instead, “We can make out now, if you want?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

* * *

There had been a few times, before, when Regulus had felt a bit jealous of Isaac – namely the fact that he was  _ out _ and that his family knew and still loved and accepted him, partially that he’d actually had sex with Max and hadn’t seemed to fully appreciate it – but none of that matched up to Isaac getting eliminated during the rose ceremony the following week. It had been Regulus’s last chance before the family visits, and Lily had chosen to send Isaac and Evan home.

Even if it meant that Regulus would have just a bit longer with Max – the idea of seeing his parents again made him anxious, let alone introducing them to a woman who had been nothing but kind to him.

It hadn’t helped that they’d been in Bern, and Regulus had far too many memories of school excursions with Barty in that city. Texting Sirius and Emmeline could only do so much, and as much as he liked talking to Max when he could, Max  _ did _ have a job to do.

They were sent back to the penthouse in New York, and Regulus sorely missed being able to just go across the hall to see Max. That first night back in New York, about an hour and a half after Max had left, Regulus got a text from him. 

**Messages with** Max  
  
**Max:** Not to text you this out of nowhere   
  
**Max:** But   
  
**Regulus:**?  
  
**Max:** How do feel about nudes?   
  


Regulus was sure he hadn't read that right. Or maybe he was misinterpreting. 

**Messages with** Max  
  
**Max:** Because I want to send you some but I didn't want it to freak you out by just SENDING them   
  


No, he hadn't misread or misinterpreted anything at all. This was actually happening. 

**Messages with** Max  
  
**Regulus:** Well  
  
**Regulus:** I can honestly say I don't have any experience with that  
  
**Max:** Do you want to?   
  
**Max:** It's totally fine if you don't! Sending nudes is NOT something I need to be satisfied in a relationship   
  
**Max:** But I think it'd be fun   
  
**Max:** Only if you want to   
  


Regulus’s heart was pounding in his chest. The idea of Max sending him nudes..

**Messages with** Max  
  
**Regulus:** No I’m absolutely into it!  
  
**Regulus:** It’s just that I’ve never done it before  
  
**Regulus:** Nudes, I mean  
  
**Regulus:** I have DEFINITELY had sex  
  
**Max:** You are ADORABLE   
  
**Max:** Text ok or would you prefer Snapchat   
  
**Regulus:** Text is fine!  
  
**Max:**   
  


Max sent him four different pictures, and Regulus saved each one to his phone. 

**Messages with** Max  
  
**Max:** I’m a little indecisive if you couldn’t tell asgklsdj   
  
**Regulus:** You’re fucking gorgeous  
  
**Max:** Aw thanks <3   
  
**Regulus:** Have you ever had phone sex?  
  
**Max:**   
  
**Max:** Are you offering?   
  
**Regulus:** Absolutely  
  
**Regulus:** But first…  
  
**Regulus:** Let me send you something  
  
**Max:** Send me what?   
  


Regulus didn’t reply immediately. He got out of bed, looked himself over in the mirror, and tried to figure out how exactly to go about taking the perfect dick pic. To hear Sirius talk about it, there was an art, but he wasn’t about to call his brother about this. He couldn’t handle that kind of embarrassment. So he took some pictures in various poses, picked out the best few, and sent them to Max.

**Messages with** Max  
  
**Max:** ASDSLGDS   
  
**Max:** [fire emoji][fire emoji][fire emoji][fire emoji][fire emoji]   
  
**Max:** OH MY GOD   
  
**Regulus:** I take it that’s a good reaction?  
  


Regulus didn’t receive a reply in text; Max called him instead. When Regulus answered Max said, “You are so unbelievably fucking sexy and I wish I were there with you right now.” His voice was low, and Regulus threw back his covers and got into bed, thankful he’d already planned on jacking off that night.

“Is that so?” Regulus teased, trying his best to sound unaffected.

“I’ve never done this before,” Max admitted. “On the phone, anyway.”

“I have,” Regulus said, relieved for once to have the experience that Max apparently lacked. “Max… tell me… how do you like to touch yourself?”

* * *

It had only been phone sex, but when Max came by two days later to do Regulus’s makeup, he looked positively dishevelled.

Max kissed him once the door was shut behind him. “You know, I’ve never been with an  _ uncut _ guy before.”

“Oh?” Regulus asked, kissing him. They didn’t have all day; Lily would be back later, and then the next morning it would be time to head to D.C. to see Regulus’s own family. 

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you all day yesterday… and all night. Overslept and almost missed my train.”

“We can’t be having that,” Regulus said.

Max looked like he was thinking on what to say, and then started trailing kisses down Regulus’s neck. “I want to blow you.”

Regulus’s heart skipped a beat. “Oh.”

Max licked his lips. “If you… if you want me to.”

“I want you to,” Regulus admitted.

“Are you clean?”

Regulus nodded. “Only person I was ever with was a virgin, too. But… we all had to get tested for the show, and it’s not like I’ve been with anyone since.” He hadn’t appreciated the invasiveness at the time, but now he was glad he had.

“Good,” Max said. “I am, too. Haven’t done anything since the last time I was tested.”

Max settled in on his knees between Regulus’s thighs. This was actually happening. It wasn’t some wet dream. Regulus couldn’t believe his luck.


	9. Max. v.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew (and Regulus and Lily) goes to D.C. for a hometown visit.

Isaac told him it was a terrible idea, but the phone sex had gone  _ great_, and Max couldn’t stop thinking about Regulus’s glorious uncut dick. He tried. He really did. There were only two weeks at  _ most _ left on the show, and then he’d be free to do whatever he wanted with Regulus.

Maybe it was that it had been  _ over a year _ since the last time he’d gotten laid (and he knew, really, that phone sex wasn’t the same thing), but he made sure to stick a few condoms in his pocket and texted Isaac from the train.

**Messages with** Isaac  
  
**Max:** As my best friend and someone who is brutally honest AND who has actually had sex with me  
  
**Max:** Scale of 1-10  
  
**Max:** How good am I at blowjobs?  
  
**Isaac:** Max you are not going to go blow Reg   
  
**Max:** Answer the question  
  
**Isaac:** Idk like a solid 8 I guess?   
  
**Isaac:** Honestly with YOU you’re probably better at it when you have Feelings   
  


Well, he definitely had those.

**Messages with** Isaac  
  
**Max:** Have you ever blown an uncut guy?  
  
**Isaac:** Yes   
  
**Isaac:** Wait! Do not blow Reg!   
  
**Isaac:** Max no   
  
**Max:** Max yes  
  
**Max:** Isaac tell me how to adjust my technique or I’ll have to google it on a train full of people  
  


He went to Regulus’s room with the full intent to blow him. He knew, really, that Regulus could very well turn him down, because phone sex was different from actually sucking dick (or having your dick sucked), but… he didn’t.

After he was done, Max supposed he expected to get on with his work, but then Regulus kissed him and actually asked to blow him.

“I’m out of practise, so I can’t promise I’ll be any good…”

Max kissed him. “I’d  _ love _ it if you blew me.”

It wasn’t the best blowjob Max had ever had, but it  _ definitely _ wasn’t the worst. It was solidly middle of the pack, in terms of blowjobs, which truthfully had been better than Max had been anticipating. He might be absolutely fucking head over heels for the man, but Regulus hadn’t done anything sexual, by his own admission, since he was seventeen years old. Max hadn’t gone in expecting the best he’d ever had. 

Besides, Regulus looked fucking  _ adorable _ with Max’s dick in his mouth.

* * *

Regulus asked Max to come with him to visit his parents for the show. He’d been visibly anxious, and looked a lot more like a scared kid than the confident professional soccer player he was supposed to be on camera, and it wasn’t as if Max would have said no, anyway, so he begged Mary, the stylist who was scheduled to go, to switch with him instead.

She’d sighed and looked right through him. “You know he’s a  _ contestant_,” she said.

“I know,” Max said. 

“If you’re sleeping with a contestant, Max…”

“I’m not!” Max lied. It wasn’t a  _ complete _ lie, really. They hadn’t  _ slept _ together, and they’d only blown each other the once. “He roomed with my best friend for weeks; we just… became friends. And I know  _ I’d _ want a friend around, if possible, if  _ my _ potential future husband were going to meet my parents on national television.”

He could tell that Mary didn’t believe him. “Only because D.C. is a fucking swamp and it makes my hair a frizzy fucking mess.”

Max hugged her. “Thank you! I totally owe you!”

“Damn right you do.”

* * *

Regulus had to sit with Lily the entire flight to D.C., ostensibly to explain what to expect, and while Max thought Lily was absolutely lovely and wished her the best of luck in choosing between the three men actually  _ interested _ in women, he couldn’t help but be a bit jealous as he texted Isaac.

**Messages with** Isaac  
  
**Isaac:** Just fucking tell him you’re in love with him already   
  
**Max:** I don’t want to seem clingy or annoying  
  
**Isaac:** Funny, I never thought you were stupid   
  
**Max:** What?  
  
**Isaac:** Have you considered that maybe the reason he hasn’t quit the show yet is because he gets to be in close quarters with you as opposed to being in fucking Philly?   
  
**Max:** I love Philly though  
  
**Isaac:** Does he know that?   
  
**Isaac:** Most people don’t want to move back to their hometowns as adults   
  
**Max:** I guess I could tell him  
  
**Isaac:** Max if that man is not head over heels in love with you I’ll quit rabbinical school to work in retail for the rest of my life   
  
**Max:** Why would Philly even stop him? It’s a two hour drive  
  
**Isaac:** If I had to guess why he’s so nervous to make a move   
  
**Isaac:** Let’s think   
  
**Isaac:** He’s had one boyfriend in his life back when he was in high school   
  
**Isaac:** His brother was disowned for being gay   
  
**Isaac:** He’s 26 and still in the closet   
  
**Isaac:** You’re probably the first guy to kiss him since he was a teenager   
  
**Isaac:** Two hours is technically ldr   
  
**Isaac:** This isn’t even considering his obvious anxiety disorder   
  
**Isaac:** If that were me I’d be too nervous to make a move too   
  
**Max:**...Ok  
  
**Max:** You may have a point  
  
**Max:** But when will I get a chance to tell him before we get back to New York?  
  
**Max:** I’m not going to tell him when I’m doing his makeup in the morning  
  
**Isaac:** I’m sure you’ll think of something   
  


So Max thought. He knew Regulus would doubtlessly be stressed from simply being around his parents, and Max couldn’t say for sure that telling Regulus that he was in love with him would  _ not _ add to that stress.

He didn’t want to wait until after they got back to New York, but he really didn’t see when he’d have a chance. 

* * *

Max knew he was supposed to stay with the rest of the crew during most of the visit. Hometown visits could get emotional – although Max sincerely doubted that there would be much emotion before they went to Regulus’s parents’ house.

Regulus was a good actor, Max realised. Certainly better than half of the men Max had seen on the show.  During the day, they went sailing, and Max wondered if Regulus had suggested it (because he knew Regulus  _ had _ suggested it) as an excuse to get his makeup touched up mid-afternoon.

Which he did, of course, and surely the producers knew that touch-ups would be needed, because Max was asked to board the same boat (out of sight of the cameras, of course) with his kit.

Ten minutes later, Regulus announced that he needed a touch up already. Max had his suspicions, but followed him under the deck. Regulus looked around for cameras and, apparently seeing none, pressed a chaste kiss to Max’s lips.

“I’m so glad you were able to come,” Regulus breathed.

“I’m beginning to suspect you didn’t really need a touch up,” Max teased. “Sailing is  _ such _ a white bougie thing to do on a date.”

Regulus grinned. “So I take it you don’t want me to take you when we’re done filming?”

* * *

They were put up in the same hotel, and Max noted with interest that his room wasn’t too far from Regulus’s, yet again. 

As he was talking to Benjy about who they thought would actually win (Max thought it would be RJ, the mild-mannered high school history teacher; Benjy favored James, who was  _ somehow _ still on the show despite, as Regulus had put it, reminding Max of every homophobic bully who had ever hit him or called him a slur), Max got a text.

“Sorry,” he said to Benjy.

**Messages with** Regulus  
  
**Regulus:** Hey would you mind coming over to my room for a minute?   
  


He could probably write this off as a stylist emergency, so he shot Benjy an apologetic look as he texted Regulus back. “Duty calls.”

**Messages with** Regulus  
  
**Max:** Be right there  
  


“I’m surprised he made it this long,” Benjy said. “It doesn’t take a genius to think there’s something between you two.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Max said, grabbing his kit for good measure and going over to Regulus’s room.

He knocked once and said, “It’s Max!”

Regulus opened the door and pulled him in. He looked like a fucking mess. Max shut the door behind him. “What’s wrong?”

“Thinking about seeing my parents again, now that… I was in a really bad place as a teen, you know.”

Max could assume as much. He’d gotten enough shit for being gay, and his family was completely loving, accepting, and supportive.

“I think they – suspected. But they never knew. About me and Barty. And they can’t – they can’t  _ not _ know I’m gay. There’s no way anyone is  _ that _ willfully ignorant.”

Max carded his fingers through Regulus’s hair. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Regulus took a deep breath. “I don’t know. I should’ve quit last week.”

This was probably not the right time for this, but Max led Regulus to the bed. “Actually… I’ve been meaning to talk with you about that.”

“Oh?”

Max kissed him. “You know I love Philly, right? And my parents are there, and I went to college there, and I’m sure… I can get a job there.”

“Max, you know, you wouldn’t  _ need _ to…”

“I  _ want _ to be with you,” Max said. “I know I don’t have to. I know Philly isn’t far. Finding someone to take my room in Washington Heights won’t be hard, and my parents will let me move in while I find a place in Philly…”

“You could move in with me,” Regulus said. “Honestly, my apartment is huge and I have multiple bedrooms and I know it’s probably soon but…”

Max kissed him. “As  _ wonderful _ as that sounds… we  _ have _ only known each other two months. And I think my parents would want to meet you, first. If you’re still okay with that.”

“Of course I am!” Regulus said. “How about… the weekend after the show ends? Sunday dinner?”

“We typically do Friday night dinner,” Max said. “Jewish, remember? But I’ll let them know.”

“You can spend the night at my apartment, if you want,” Regulus said. “A-and I  _ do _ mean… I-I mean, I know I’m moving fast, and I understand if you don’t…”

Max furrowed his brows. “You really think that’s what’s happening here?”

Regulus shrugged. “It’s not like I have a wealth of experience to compare it to.”

“Reg,” Max said softly. He kissed him. “ _Spending the night _ at your apartment in a few weeks is  _ not _ moving fast. We’ve  _ already _ blown each other. And had phone sex.”

“I want to have sex with you,” Regulus said. He reached for Max’s hands and took them in his own. “A-actually… I have something to tell you.”

Max felt his own heart pound in his chest. “Okay…”

Regulus kissed him, which Max realised was probably a stalling technique, but he didn’t mind. Max kissed him back and thought that he didn’t think he ever wanted to kiss anyone else ever again. To be sure, Regulus was clearly a bit out of practise, but he was gentle and attentive, and Max was sure he could train him into being a better kisser.

Regulus trailed kisses down Max’s neck. “Reg?” Max asked. 

“Mm?” Regulus hummed, working on unbuttoning Max’s shirt.

“As much as I would  _ love _ to…” Regulus started trailing kisses down Max’s chest, and swirled his tongue around Max’s nipple in a way that was a little too sloppy and a little too wet, but made Max moan all the same. “Reg, we don’t have all night.”

“What if I just blow you?” Regulus asked. 

Max looked at his watch. Well, they had enough time for that. “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only four more proper chapters to go, and then a little epilogue!


	10. Regulus. v.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regulus introduces Lily to his family, and he and Narcissa have a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm planning on posting a bunch of fics for Chanukah (literally two fics a day), so this will be the last update until either 10 or 13 December, from which point I'll resume a normal posting schedule.

On the scale of things Regulus wanted to do, at the top would probably be having sex with Max. Meeting his parents for dinner with a woman he had no intention of ever marrying (and who he thought could probably tell he wasn’t interested) would be just slightly above spending two hours locked in a room with Barty and James.

The only solace was that Max would be there, and so would Narcissa and her family. His parents didn’t tend to act out as much around Narcissa, although he wasn’t sure what they’d do on camera.

Max wore dangerously short shorts and a patterned short-sleeve button-up, as if he were trying to be as visibly gay as possible. And maybe he was. It certainly wasn’t warm enough in D.C. in early May to necessitate such an outfit.

Regulus loved him, and he wished he hadn’t chickened out of telling him earlier that day, but he hadn’t been able to shake the dread at the thought that he might not feel the same. But, well, he’d gotten to blow him again, which was almost as nice. And he said he’d move back to Philly to be with him, which was more than Regulus had hoped for.

“Wow,” Lily said as the crew pulled up to the house. “ _This _ is where you grew up?”

“Didn’t spend much time here,” Regulus said, barely sparing a glance at the georgian house he supposed he’d technically grown up in. “With boarding school and all, but yes.”

“Still,” Lily said. He remembered that she was from some industrial part of New Jersey (which… might’ve been the entire state if you asked him – living split between Philly and New York had worn off on him).

“It’ll just be my parents and my cousin and her family.”

“Not your brother?”

“I think,” Regulus said, “from what you’ve said about your family… our families are kind of… exactly the same, and polar opposites at the same time.”

Lily doubtlessly understood what he meant, and he couldn’t go into more details with cameras rolling.

“I love my brother,” Regulus said, “but getting him into the same room as my parents is not possible.”

* * *

Narcissa hugged him for what must’ve been the third time  _ ever_, and he was vaguely aware that much of it had to be for the cameras. “Reggie,” she said warmly, using that old childhood nickname. “I haven’t seen you in what feels like forever.”

“I know; I’m sorry. I’ve been so busy.”

“That’s no reason to skip out on Sunday dinner,” Narcissa chastised. “Philadelphia is only two and a half hours away, you know.”

Of course it was. “I know, Cissy. And, uh, this is Lily. Lily, this is my cousin, Narcissa.”

* * *

“Regulus,” Narcissa said evenly once Lily had left to go talk to Regulus’s mother. He could only imagine what was going on in that room. “I need to speak with you. Privately.”

Regulus knew better than to refuse, so he followed Narcissa up to his old bedroom, and took in the posters that lined the walls. There were several for the US Men’s National Team, a few of individual soccer players who Regulus had liked more for their looks than for their skill on the field, and numerous emo band posters. How had he thought that Morrissey poster was  _ not _ a flashing neon sign advertising that he was gay?

Narcissa turned her microphone off and spoke in French. “Why are you doing this?”

Regulus turned his own microphone off. “What do you mean?”

“You and I both know you’re gay.”

Regulus scoffed, but he felt like a ball of lead had just dropped in his stomach. “Wh-what do you mean? I have  _ no idea _ what you’re talking about. I dated Emmeline for  _ eight years_, remember?”

“I’ve known you since the day you were  _ born_, Reggie. You’re gay. It’s fine. It’s who you are; God made you that way, and it would be wrong to try to change it. And I shouldn’t  _ have _ to say this, but I do want to make sure that you know, in no uncertain terms, that I still love you just as much as I always have. No matter what your parents do.”

He had two options, the way he saw it: he could deny it, and insist he was straight, and likely damage his relationship with one of two relatives who actually cared about him, or he could admit it and deal with whatever came afterward. “I told Sirius, before…”

Narcissa’s expression softened to something akin to pity. Regulus hated it. “What happened to him was despicable. He was a  _ child_. You know, if Draco  _ ever_… if anything, I think it’d make me  _ more _ fiercely protective of him.”

“That’s the difference between you and Mom, Cissa. You’re a good mother.”

“I think there’s more than one difference between me and Aunt Walburga. But thank you.” She wrapped an arm around him, a little slowly. “You don’t have to try to please them. You’re twenty-six. You can even  _ marry _ a man, now.”

“Sirius said the show would piss Mom and Dad off.”

“Oh, it has,” Narcissa said. “I think the only thing that could shame them more would be coming out as gay – or bisexual, I mean, it  _ is _ a reality show, and I don’t think the producers would like knowing you got this far without even being interested in women – on national television.” He knew, coming from Narcissa, that this was not idle speculation. “There’s a man, isn’t there?” she asked.

“ _Have _ you been talking to Sirius?”

“No,” she said. “It’s just that I know you. And I couldn’t help but notice you stealing glances at that skinny man in the shorts every time he was in the same room. I think he’s gay, too. I don’t know any straight man that would wear anything like that.”

“He is,” Regulus said. “Gay, I mean. His name’s Max.”

“I think he likes you, too.”

Regulus certainly hoped so, seeing as he’d had Max’s dick in his mouth just over an hour before. “He’s Jewish,” Regulus said.

“It’ll piss your parents off, but surely you know that I don’t care.”

“You  _ don’t? _ Who are you, and what have you done with my cousin?”

Narcissa laughed. “My first boyfriend in prep school was Jewish,” she said. “My parents would have thrown a fit, but… if he makes you happy…”

“He does,” Regulus admitted.

“Then you’d better tell him.” Narcissa leaned in and kissed his forehead. “I love you, you know. I don’t say it nearly enough, but you’re my baby cousin, and I want you to be happy.”

“Even if I’m a deviant homosexual living in sin with a Jewish man?”

“You’re not deviant,” Narcissa said. “And it’s twenty-eighteen, Reg. You are who you are and you love who you love and there’s nothing wrong with that. You’re both consenting adults.”

“You’re being preachy,” he said. “Sirius has already covered the basics of my immortal soul not being in danger for being gay. And it’s not as if I haven’t had twelve years to adjust.”

“Good,” Narcissa said. “Because it’s not.”

“Even if I’m taking it up the ass?”

Narcissa actually  _ laughed_. “You’re so crass. Yes. Even then. Besides… it’s not as if that’s something straight couples don’t do.”

“I’m almost afraid to ask.”

“Oh, not  _ me_,” Narcissa said. Her eyes had a dangerous sparkle to them as she leaned in to whisper, “Luc.”

Regulus pulled a face. “Jesus, Ciss, I didn’t need to know your husband likes taking it up the ass. Christ. I’ll never be able to look him the eye again.”

“Come on. I think it’s been long enough. They’ll start to wonder where we’ve gone off to.”

* * *

That night, Max came to his room, shopping bags from CVS in hand. “I have ice cream and vodka and terrible rom coms.”

Regulus meant to say that it wasn’t like he’d just gone through a breakup, and what would romantic comedies do, anyway, but instead what came out after Max kissed him was, “I love you.”

Max grinned and kissed him again. “I love you, too.”

“Really?”

“Of course,” Max said. “But maybe we should eat the ice cream before it melts?” He pulled two pints of Ben and Jerry’s out of the bag. “Which one do you want? Half Baked or Chocolate Therapy?”

“Half Baked is my favorite,” Regulus said.

Max handed the pint to him, as well as a spoon. “That just proves it,” he said.

“Proves what?”

Max leaned in close and whispered in his ear, “That we’re meant to be. I  _ always _ get Chocolate Therapy. Can’t have you stealing my ice cream.”

“Definitely not.” Regulus kissed him. “Can I ask… why the romantic comedies?”

“It's my go-to whenever I'm upset,” Max said. “Isaac likes dumb buddy comedies. Would you rather…?”

“I’ll deny this,” Regulus warned, “but I actually really like superhero movies? There's something about them. I don't know.”

“If I had to guess,” Max said, “it’d be some combination of found families and, of course, hot, muscular men.”

Regulus smiled. “Yeah, maybe.”

“I have Netflix. And Hulu. What's your favorite? I'm partial to Captain America myself, and not just because Steve and Bucky are clearly in love.”

“What about Peggy Carter?” Regulus asked. He’d liked them together; hadn’t Max? 

“People can be  _ bi_, Reg. I know  _ we’re _ not. But Steve is.”

They settled on watching Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol 2 - and watched Captain America afterward. If he did have a gigantic, stupid crush on Chris Evans, well, he was sure that no one could blame him.

“What does it say that I always liked Steve more before he got buff?” Regulus asked. “I mean, he’s Chris Evans, so he’s still – amazing, but…”

“I think it bodes well for me,” Max said, cuddling up close. “Considering everyone in my family is about as skinny as I am. And I eat  _ a lot._”

Regulus pulled him closer. “I guess that does bode well.”

Max hummed. 

“Totally unrelated, but I can't get it out of my mind.”

“What?”

“My cousin told me her husband likes to get pegged.”

Max was silent for a few seconds. “Did she… did she just bring this up randomly, or was it part of a bigger conversation? Because I know a  _ lot _ of Catholics, and that doesn't sound like any family dinner discussion I've ever heard them mention.”

“It was in the context of telling me I wasn't going to go to hell for being gay. I mean, okay, that's an unfair representation. She was nicer than all that. Told me she loved me unconditionally and what happened to my brother was despicable and she'd  _ never _ treat  _ her _ son like that.”

“Well that's… that's great, isn't it?”

“Yeah,” Regulus said. “She was a little preachy about it, which I thought only happens on television. And I would have happily lived the rest of my life without the knowledge that Luc Malfoy likes being pegged. But. I didn't realize how worried I was about her reacting badly until she didn't.”

“I'm happy for you,” Max said. 

“Thanks,” Regulus said. “I just feel sort of… like I lost out on the opportunity to do it earlier and be able to be  _ myself  _ earlier. But I can't go back in time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can't convince me that Lucius Malfoy isn't exactly the sort of straight guy who's super into pegging.


	11. Max. vi.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for the second-to-last rose ceremony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is, as I said before, a bit delayed because I've been writing and posting fics for Chanukah, which can be found [here](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1198333) (Max and Isaac do feature in a few).

Max almost wished that Regulus got eliminated that week, so that they could be together sooner (because it seemed like it was really happening), but, well, he wasn't about to turn his nose up at Regulus still being in the running for the final two weeks in Haifa. 

He'd been surprised at the location, but, well, he wasn't about to complain. Even if his Hebrew was terrible. 

“I can speak better Yiddish than Hebrew,” Max said, lying on Regulus’s hotel room bed. “I just need to find some haredim to translate for me.”

Regulus snorted. “I think you’d find more people who speak English.”

“Maybe,” Max admitted, “but it’d be kind of nice to use Yiddish outside of my undergrad degree.”

“You did comparative literature, right?”

Max nodded. “Yiddish literature and American Jewish literature, focusing on LGBT identity.”

“I… studied international relations.”

“You did?” Max asked. He’d never heard Regulus talk about university, and honestly had just assumed he’d gone straight on to play soccer from high school.

“Parents wouldn’t let me just go off and do what I wanted without a college degree first,” Regulus said. “But they didn’t make me stay in D.C., either, so I went to Columbia, did IR and played soccer and spent entirely too much time with my brother. Em and I got an apartment together – two bedroom, of course – and she dropped out of college after a semester and started acting full-time.”

“Do you speak any other languages?”

Regulus shrugged. “French, German, a little Italian and Spanish. Three romance languages was not my smartest idea; would’ve been better if I’d just gone with Mandarin or Russian instead.”

“And here I thought you couldn’t get any more amazing,” Max murmured.

Regulus carded his fingers through Max’s hair. “I don’t feel amazing.”

“You are,” Max said. “Trust me.”

“I’m going to quit the show this week.”

“Oh,” Max said. He wasn’t quite sure how to respond. He felt relieved, but he also knew he’d have to stay until the finale. 

“Lily’s nice,” Regulus said, “and while I  _ think _ she knows I’m gay… I still would rather she have a choice between two men who are actually interested in her.”

Max snorted. “RJ and James are both  _ desperately _ transparent.”

“I kind of want to warn her what a shithead James is,” Regulus said. “Sirius would fucking  _ kill _ me though.”

“I don’t think Lily likes him much,” Max said. “Honestly, I think the producers are having her keep him around for drama.”

“What bullshit,” Regulus said. “I wouldn’t be surprised to find him on the defending end of some police brutality bullshit in the next few years.”

Max wouldn’t either, but he didn’t want to be the one to say it. “People like that will seek positions of power by any means necessary.”

“Oh, believe me, I know,” Regulus said. 

* * *

Max typically didn’t make a habit of making sure he was there for the rose ceremony, because he was far from the only stylist on set, and he was only supposed to work with the men, anyway. This time, though, he stood next to Mary and Benjy, who both gave him a look.

He shrugged. He knew he was transparent, but really? He thought Regulus did a good job at pretending to be straight. (But then, really, how much did Max know about passing as straight?)

Lily gave the first rose to RJ and said something terribly romantic about their commonalities. He wasn’t sure what was meant by that at first; she was a doctor and he was a teacher, so those were both… ‘helping people’ jobs… but then Max remembered with a start that Lily was Jewish, too, and so was RJ. He shot a superior look to Benjy, who was still insisting that Lily was going to pick James.

Lily held the second (and final) rose in her hand and Max could see on the monitor that she was looking rather anxiously between the two remaining men, who were standing as far apart as possible. Max couldn’t blame either Lily or Regulus, really.

“Wait,” Regulus said. “Before you make your final decision.”

“Yes?”

“I wanted to say… I came into this competition after the end of an eight year relationship. I was… struggling a lot with who I was. We’d been together my entire adult life, and coming out of that sort of relationship is… difficult.”

Max found himself unable to look away. He didn’t know where Regulus was going with this, but he didn’t think that he was about to profess his  _ love _ for Lily, so it surely couldn’t be too bad. Right?

“I’ve been used to living my life in the public eye. With who my father is… and then with Emmeline, and later with the Union… but there have been times I wasn’t honest with myself in an effort to fit into what I believed my public image should be.

“Coming here… talking to the other bachelors… I’ve realised that there are things that, while I’ve known them for years… I didn’t talk about them publicly out of fear of what would happen. And I think… it’s time that I come out and say it.”

Wait… did he say  _ come out_? Surely he wasn’t going to…

Max texted Isaac.

**Messages with** Isaac  
  
**Max:** ISAAC  
  
**Max:** ISAAC I THINK HE’S GOING TO COME OUT ON NATIONAL TELEVISION  
  
**Isaac:** WAIT WHAT   
  
**Isaac:** W H A T   
  


“Say what?” Lily asked.

“I didn’t expect to fall in love when I came here. But I did.”

**Messages with** Isaac  
  
**Max:** ISAAC!!!  
  
**Max:** ISAAC HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING!?!?  
  


Max was aware of both Mary and Benjy’s eyes on him. He tried to communicate that he was just as thrown by what was going on as they were.

“And I’m sorry,” Regulus said. “But it’s not you. And I don’t think it’s fair to hide that any longer.”

**Messages with** Isaac  
  
**Isaac:** MAX what the FUCK is going on over there??????   
  


“I think,” Lily said, “I have some idea of who… this might be.”

Benjy managed to get Regulus’s attention, and nudged Max forward. Oh no. Oh no no no.

Regulus caught Max’s gaze. Max knew he only had seconds to react. It wasn’t as if he wasn’t madly in love with Regulus, but he hadn’t anticipated  _ this_. He bit his lip and nodded.

“It’s not… another contestant,” Regulus said. “And truthfully…  I’m not sure he knows, let alone whether or not he feels the same way.”

This was as bold faced a lie as Max had ever seen Regulus tell, but it just might save his ass from getting fired.

“And it is a he,” Regulus said. “I’m in love with another man.”

Well, there was no way this was being cut. The producers were probably going crazy over this. One of the semifinalists coming out on national television.

And when Max looked like the biggest fucking twink in the world: pastel coral short shorts, a floral shirt half open with his Magen David clearly visible, fucking  _ boat shoes_.

“Max?” Regulus asked.

Max felt two pairs of hands shoving him forward, and he nearly lost his balance. He managed to get to the stage without making too much of an ass of himself. He mouthed an apology to Lily, who didn’t look upset, and then he was face to face with Regulus.

“Hi,” Max said.

“Hi,” Regulus said. “I’m sorry. I know you’re a professional, and I tried to… to keep things professional, but I can’t leave without you knowing how I feel.”

Max was well aware that he wasn’t wearing a mike, and that he’d probably have to dub over his own words if he didn’t get fired. “Well,” he said. “I… definitely would have dressed less like a twink if I’d known this would happen today.”

Regulus laughed. “Sorry. I didn’t want… I was just going to say that I liked men and that I wasn’t… in love with Lily, but that seemed… too dishonest. I know I’ve never told you, and I don’t anticipate that you… respond now. But I wanted to tell you. Face to face, in front of everyone… that I’m in love with you.”

“I’m in love with you, too,” Max said. 

“It might be… too much to ask for our first kiss to be on national television?”

Definitely not their first kiss, but Max appreciated his dedication to  _ that _ particular lie. “Definitely not,” Max said.

Regulus grinned and kissed him.

* * *

Max spent multiple talks with the producers, assuring them that nothing untoward at all had happened between himself and Regulus, and that they’d just bonded while Max styled him for the show. “I had no idea he felt the same. It’s not as if none of us ever get crushes on contestants.”

It was clear he was on thin ice, and he apologised profusely for the shake up.

“If it had been another contestant, it would be one thing.”

“I had  _ no idea _ he was planning  _ any _ of that,” Max said, which was actually the truth. “As you know, Isaac has been my best friend since we were children, and Isaac is a  _ huge _ Union fan, so when they started talking… Isaac introduced us. I was totally professional.”

“Maybe it’d be best if you went home. With, uh, with Regulus, of course.”

Max knew this meant that he wouldn’t be getting paid for the next few weeks, and that he’d likely have to ask his parents to help him out with rent, but he found he didn’t mind too much.

He did mind that he was moved to a different hotel, but Regulus still had his phone and international data, so they were able to text. Mary sent him a video she’d taken of the whole thing; Max watched it and forwarded it to Isaac.

**Messages with** Isaac  
  
**Max:** DO NOT LEAK THIS ISAAC I SWEAR  
  
**Max:** I’ll have to kill you  
  
**Isaac:** oh my GOD   
  
**Isaac:** I cannot BELIEVE he did that   
  
**Max:** I KNOW!!!  
  
**Isaac:** Holy fucking shit   
  
**Isaac:** You need to play this at your fucking wedding   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a few chapters left now!


	12. Regulus. vi.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regulus and Max get back to New York

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Featuring more of Regulus's family!

“Oh no,” Regulus said as he and Max entered the international arrivals gate. Sirius was leaning easily against a wall. He looked directly at them.

“What is it?” Max asked.

“My brother’s here.”

Sirius loped over and slung an arm around Regulus’s shoulder. “So I hear  _ someone _ came out on national television?”

Regulus groaned. “Tell Jim Potter to go fuck himself.”

“You must be Max,” Sirius said, extending a hand for Max to shake, which he did, looking more than a little disoriented. “Reg’s talked a  _ lot _ about you. He’s absolutely  _ smitten_.”

Max smiled and shook Sirius’s hand. “I am, too. In fact… I think we were both hoping to spend the evening in Reg’s apartment. Alone.”

Sirius laughed. “Oh, I’m sure. I can drive you.”

“Where did you get a  _ car_?” Regulus asked. He wasn’t even sure that his brother had his  _ license_, but he knew for a fact that he couldn’t afford to keep a car in New York.

“It’s Jim’s,” Sirius said. “He’s not using it. And you two can go  _ consummate _ your relationship –”

“I like how you just assume we haven’t,” Regulus muttered.

“Because I know you,” Sirius said. “Anyway, I fully expect you two to stop by the bar tomorrow afternoon. My treat.”

Regulus looked to Max, who shrugged. “Sure. But tomorrow. Not tonight.”

Tonight, after all, was going to be just the two of them.

* * *

“I am  _ so _ sorry about him,” Regulus said as soon as Sirius left. “I didn’t even tell him I was coming back…”

Max smiled and kissed him. “It’s fine. It’s sweet that he cares.”

Regulus didn’t think his brother was sweet. He thought he was a meddler, who was trying to get information out of him. “That’s one way to look at it.”

“My brother meddles, too,” Max said. 

“Have you… told him about us?”

Max shrugged. “I thought I’d tell him in person. He knows I’m crazy about you, of course… but he doesn’t know that you feel the same way. I’m seeing him tomorrow night. I hope that’s not a problem.”

“No, of course not,” Regulus said. “Knowing you… you probably promised your niece and nephew gifts from Israel.”

“And England and Switzerland. I don’t mean to brag, but I’m  _ kind of _ the best uncle in the world.”

That made Regulus think. Did Max want kids? Surely Max, of all people, knew he could have a family with another man. “Max, I, er, I should tell you… I really don’t think I want kids.”

“Getting a bit ahead of ourselves, hm?” Max teased. He kissed him. “I don’t want kids, either, don’t worry. The very  _ best _ part about being an uncle is leaving almost all of the unpleasant shit with their parents. Now… a  _ cat _ dad… that I’d love.”

“I love cats,” Regulus said. “I always wanted one.”

* * *

Regulus knew, logically, that between endorphins and waiting and everything else, his emotions after sex might not have been the most  _ accurate _ measure of how he truly felt… but Jesus Christ, he wanted to marry Max Scamander.

The thought caught him off guard, as Max curled up next to him. He’d never thought about marrying another man before. At least… not in any way that wasn’t more than a passing fancy… and not any  _ specific _ man.

“I want you to meet my cousin,” Regulus said instead of voicing that thought.

“The one from the dinner?”

“Yeah,” Regulus said. “I mean, I have three… and I’m sure Sirius will surprise us both with a visit from Andi. Bella’s a right-wing psychopath. But Narcissa… she was always my favorite.”

“Does she know I’m Jewish?” Max asked. “Because… you know… a lot of those rich white Republicans think we killed Jesus.”

“She knows, and she doesn’t, and she’s… not a Republican anymore.”

Max hummed. “I’d love to meet her. But I’m telling you right now… if there’s any homophobic or antisemitic bullshit, I’m leaving. I love you, but I’m not dealing with that.”

“Leaving… dinner, or…?”

“Of  _ course _ just leaving  _ dinner_,” Max said. “I’m not going to break up with you because of who you’re related to.”

* * *

Waking up next to Max was a revelation.

“Did you know you snore?” Max asked at breakfast. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s super cute. But you do snore.”

“Well,” Regulus said, “At least I don’t steal all the blankets.”

Max laughed and kissed his cheek. “I like to be  _ warm_.”

* * *

**Messages with** Sirius  
  
**Sirius:** Em and Andi and Ted are coming   
  
**Sirius:** Just fyi   
  
**Reg:** Appreciate the heads up  
  


“Em and my cousin Andi and her husband are going to meet us at the bar, too,” Regulus said, tucking his phone back into his pocket.

“All I packed are super twinky clothes,” Max said, going through his bag.

“I  _ really _ don’t think anyone will mind that.”

“But you look so  _ nice_,” Max whined. 

Regulus ran his hands self-consciously down his outfit. “Do you think it’s  _ too _ nice?” He’d pulled on a pale blue pinstripe collared shirt, black jeans, and a charcoal blazer.

“Oh, god, never,” Max said. “I’m just going to look like a gigantic twink next to you.”

“Mind if I help?”

* * *

“There he is!” Sirius called the moment Regulus and Max walked in the door. Regulus was immensely grateful that it was a small local bar and  _ not _ the sort of place where Sirius yelling would cause people to recognise him.

He noticed Emmeline at the bar with her girlfriend Marlene and felt suddenly immensely grateful. He took Max by the hand and led him over. “You’ve already met Sirius,” he said, “and this is Emmeline and her girlfriend Marlene. Em, Marly, this is my boyfriend, Max.”

Emmeline reached over and hugged Max. “It’s  _ so _ great to meet you! Reg has been talking about you  _ nonstop _ from like… the first day he met you.”

“You’re Emmeline Vance,” Max said. “Sorry. I told myself that I wouldn’t be starstruck.”

“I could tell you dozens of embarrassing stories that’d get rid of that,” Regulus said. “Like the time we snuck off on that one trip to France…”

“Reg, what did I  _ ever _ do to you?” Emmeline asked with a pout. “We’re supposed to be best friends. Gay-lesbian solidarity!”

Regulus snorted. “Best friends, sure.” He leaned in to stage whisper in Max’s ear, “Remind me to tell you about the time she almost got expelled for sneaking off to see a Fall Out Boy concert. In  _ Germany_.”

“Joke’s on you,” Emmeline said, “Because I’ve met Pete Wentz like a dozen times… and you haven’t.”

“Call me when you meet Gerard Way, and we’ll talk.”

Andi and Ted walked in then, with their daughter, Dora. Regulus wasn’t sure that a gay bar in Chelsea – even one as casual and small as this – was a great place for a teenage girl, but Sirius walked straight up to them and gave Andi a big hug.

“Haven’t seen you in forever,” Sirius said. “Am I really your favorite cousin? Because you didn’t come until I mentioned Reg.”

Andi laughed. “I don’t have favorite cousins.”

“That’s a lie,” Regulus said. He took Max by the hand and led him over to Andi and her family. “And, for the record, he’s allowed to be your favorite cousin, because I’m Cissa’s.”

Andi hummed. “Fine. But who’s this?”

“This is Max,” Regulus said. “My boyfriend.”

Andi smiled and ruffled Regulus’s hair. “Glad to see you’re finally out.”

She’d known, too? He looked to Sirius, who shrugged. Sirius was a lot of things, but he wouldn’t  _ out _ him, even after he’d outed himself on national television (which wouldn’t air until August), and neither would Narcissa. He wasn’t even sure if Andi still  _ spoke _ to Narcissa.

“Oh, we’ve all always known,” Andi said. “And Ted and I, at least, are proud of you. Dora – where did she go off to?”

“Bringing your teenage daughter to a bar wasn’t your best idea, Andi,” Sirius said. He looked around, and then seemed to relax. “She’s chatting up Emmeline. She’s fine.”

“I am – actually gay,” Regulus said, “not bi. Not that there’s anything  _ wrong _ with being bi, but I’m not. Even though I kind of – said I was on national television.”

Andi’s eyes sparkled. “Tell me about that. Is that how you two met?” She looked to Max.

“Oh, yeah,” Max said. “I wasn’t a contestant, though – I just did his hair and makeup.”

Andi turned to Sirius. “Get me a white zinf, and make sure that Dora doesn’t do anything too stupid. I want to hear this, and I’m sure you’ve heard it all already.”

“Even the panicked texts,” Sirius said. “Ted, you want anything?”

“I’ll take a Miller Lite, thanks,” Ted said. Regulus didn’t know Ted very well; he’d had to be sneaky about how he met up with his family when he was still worried about being disowned, and that often meant Sirius or Andi alone. He seemed, from everything Regulus knew, to be nice, but boring.

Andi escorted them over to a table. “So, all I know is you met on a dating show.”

“It’s actually all thanks to my friend Isaac, really,” Max said, “and the guy who dropped out last minute so Isaac could take his place. See, Isaac and I – we’re from Philly, and Isaac’s really into all the Philly teams – including the Union…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters, and then the epilogue!


	13. Max. vii.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regulus introduces Max to his cousin Narcissa

Two days later, they drove down to Chevy Chase to visit Regulus’s cousin Narcissa. They listened to Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance (with Gerard’s solo albums and Frank’s albums thrown in, too), and Say Anything and Two Tongues at Max’s request.

Thirty seconds into the second Two Tongues song, Regulus said, “Wow this is… really gay.”

“Isn’t it?” Max asked. “Like, okay, we all know Frerard was bullshit played up for the fans – not that I think either of them are  _ straight _ , of course, but I don’t think they were  _ together _ . But with Max Bemis and Chris Conley… I actually had to sit down and think whether or not he and his wife were dating when the first album came out. And,” he continued, “when he came out, earlier this year, Max Bemis, I mean – okay, he said he’d had ‘queer experiences’, and you can’t  _ listen _ to Two Tongues and tell me Chris Conley wasn’t one of them.”

Regulus laughed.

“What?”

“It’s just that… if you told me ten years ago – hell, six months ago – that I’d be talking about Frerard with my gorgeous boyfriend on my way to meet my cousin in Chevy Chase… I’d have thought you were full of it.”

“Well,” Max said, “I  _ had _ given up all hope of ever dating another former emo.” 

“I love you.”

Max reached over and kissed Regulus on the cheek. “I love you, too.”

“And for the record…”

“Hm?”

“Come on. You can’t tell me Frank and Gerard never did  _ anything _ . I know they didn’t  _ date _ – that was Mikey and Pete Wentz – but  _ come on _ .”

“Oh, god, I forgot about Mikey and Pete,” Max said. “I mean, okay, I can grant you that  _ maybe _ Gerard and Frank fooled around a couple of times, but they were in a band together for over a decade, and that’s… more dangerous than in a normal friendship.”

* * *

“This isn't intimidating at all,” Max drawled when Regulus drove through the open gates at Regulus’s cousin’s  _ mansion. _ Regulus’s childhood home (parents’ mansion) had been bad enough, but this was somehow  _ worse. _

“You've seen my parents’ house.”

“Mansion,” Max corrected. “Your parents’ mansion.”

“Okay, maybe it's a bit more extravagant than normal.”

“No,” Max said. “Isaac’s parents’ house in Merion Station is  _ a bit more extravagant than normal _ . This is a mansion. Your parents live in a mansion, too.”

He felt anxious. He loved Regulus, of course, but in his experience – people like this didn’t typically like people like him, whether it was because he was gay or Jewish or a Democrat or middle class or because his father taught at Penn. Regulus squeezed his hand. “Narcissa is going to  _ love _ you. Her husband’s a dick and doesn’t like anyone much, but I don’t think he’ll care that you’re gay  _ or _ Jewish.”

That might be true, but it didn’t account for the other reasons she might find to hate him.

* * *

Max had a feeling that Narcissa was overcompensating, especially from how Regulus was acting, but he didn’t really mind. She didn’t seem to dislike or distrust him at all. Instead, she was warm and doting and told Max all kinds of stories about Regulus as a little boy that made Regulus blush furiously.

Narcissa’s son, Draco (what was  _ with _ this family and their names?) chattered on comfortably about his horseback riding lessons and junior soccer team. Max was comfortable with children, and handled him easily. If only all of Reg’s family were slightly spoiled children who seemed to never stop talking.

“You seem to have a gift with children,” Narcissa observed.

“Oh, I have a niece and nephew,” Max said. “My niece is seventeen, and my nephew is eleven. So I’ve always sort of… I’m the youngest, technically, but not really, because my family’s so close.”

“And what is it you do, Max?” Luc asked.

“Well, right now I’m a stylist. I make most of my money with a couple reality shows, and work on a lot of theatre productions, too. I studied comparative literature, though – Yiddish and American Jewish literature with a focus on LGBT identity – and I’d like to  _ eventually _ do something with that, but I need to pay rent, and I always liked experimenting with hair and makeup.”

“You don’t have a trust fund?” Luc asked, as if this was something everyone had access to. “Or investments? You’re an adult, after all.”

Max wondered if Luc Malfoy had ever had to work for anything a day in his life. He knew his own upbringing was relatively privileged, but it was nothing like this. “I, uh… no?” he said after a few seconds. “My parents can and will help me out if I  _ need _ it, but they raised my brother and I to stand on our own.”

“I see…”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen Reg this happy,” Narcissa said.

Regulus seemed grateful for the change of subject, and latched on. “I don’t think I’ve ever been happier. Max is absolutely wonderful; I never thought I could find someone like him.”

Max leaned in to him so that they were shoulder to shoulder. “I absolutely feel the same way.” Even if Regulus snored. It was endearing, really.

* * *

“D’you want to see the house I grew up in? Without, you know, my parents there? They’re in Saint-Tropez right now. And I have a key.”

Max had to admit that he was curious. He hadn’t gotten much of a look when he’d been there before, and if Regulus’s parents weren’t even in the country, then surely there was no harm.

“That depends,” Max said. “Do I get to see your childhood bedroom?”

“Of course,” Regulus said. “We could… even have sex there if you want?”

Max grinned. “It sounds like  _ you _ want to.”

“I do,” Regulus said.

Max kissed him on the cheek, and Regulus drove to Georgetown instead of getting back on the highway. He put in the passcode at the gate and parked the car in the driveway. Max followed him in, and waited as Regulus disarmed the security system. 

“So, uh, this is the foyer. The house was built in the eighteenth century, but don’t ask me when. Everything inside has been completely modernized, of course, because my parents demand the very best.”

“Of course,” Max said.

Regulus did actually show him around the house, including the guest room that had, according to Regulus, once been his brother’s bedroom, and stopped short outside of his room. Max caught sight of the sign on the door and snorted. “I see you’ve always been dramatic.”

The sign was clearly professionally printed and laminated, and read in clear lettering:  _ Do not enter without the  _ **_express permission_ ** _ of Regulus Arcturus Black. _ It was a more dramatic and showy version of the “KEEP OUT” sign Isaac had nailed to his bedroom door at his parents’ house in middle school.

“But you love me for it.”

“Oh, of course I do,” Max said. He kissed him, and Regulus led him into the room.

“This is it. I’m not sure how I thought any of this passed as  _ straight,” _ he said.

Max took in the room – the posters and photographs and décor. It didn’t look completely dissimilar to his room at his parents’ house. It  _ certainly _ didn’t look like the bedroom of a heterosexual teenage boy. There was no real hint of gorgeous  _ female _ celebrities, for one. “I had the same exact Morrissey poster.  _ And _ that MCR poster. Can’t say I was into soccer players as a teenager, though.”

Regulus put on an exaggerated pout. “No?”

Max laughed and kissed him. “I’m  _ very _ into them now… or, well, at least one soccer player in particular. And you were totally a giant fucking emo kid in high school, so I’d have  _ definitely _ been into you then, too.”

“I wish I had met you then,” Regulus confessed. “I don’t regret things turning out the way they had, but…”

“No, I totally get it,” Max assured him. He kissed him again, led him to the bed, and pushed him down. “Top or bottom?”

Regulus bit his lip. “Bottom, if you don’t mind?”

“Of course I don’t,” Max said, “but I  _ am _ going to get you to top one of these days.”

* * *

“I sort of feel bad for the housekeeper,” Regulus said as they got off of I-95 and into Philadelphia. “But I do think it’s only fair to my teenage self to actually have had sex with another man in that bed at least once.”

“I’ve done it, the whole – sex in the childhood bedroom thing,” Max said, “It  _ is _ definitely kind of – thrilling. But then my parents didn’t mind. Their only real concerns have been consent and protection.”

Max knew, really, that there was truthfully little chance of Regulus’s parents accepting him for who he was, but tried not to dwell on that. He was certain, at least, that  _ his _ parents would love Regulus.

Regulus pulled into a parking garage, and they walked hand-in-hand to his apartment. It was nicer than his apartment in New York, Max supposed because he was in Philly much more often (and because Philly was  _ much _ cheaper – he knew that for a fact), and Max looked around.

“This place is  _ huge _ ,” he said. “It’s really just you?”

“I mean, I have a spare room, and Em will stay over sometimes – I’m not sure about anymore, with Marlene and all, but… I needed a place big enough I could have at least some sort of home gym.”

“I’ve been thinking,” Max said, “about grad school.” He didn’t mind his job, of course – he even  _ liked  _ it most days – but he still felt compelled to do  _ something _ that involved critical thinking.

“Oh,” Regulus said. “In… in Philly, or…?”

“Of course in Philly,” Max said. “There’s half a dozen universities in greater Philly. I should at least be able to get into one.”

“Oh,” Regulus said.

“I still think it’s too soon to move in together… and I’ve missed the deadline for funding, anyway, so I’ll have to wait until next year. But. It’s a thought.”

“You should do it,” Regulus said. “You’re brilliant.”

Max kissed him. “I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reg & Max's bandom discussion doesn't necessarily reflect my own opinions, but also I'd be lying if I said I haven't discussed bandom shit with other former emos as an adult.


	14. Regulus. vii.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regulus meets Max's family

“My parents will  _ adore _ you,” Max said on the drive to Merion Station. “Mom’s a social worker, Dad’s a zoologist. They’re both very compassionate.”

Regulus wouldn’t expect any less from the people who had raised Max. “I’m looking forward to meeting them.”

“And Jacob and Shira and the kids will be there, too. I told them another night we could see them in New York, but they wouldn’t hear of it.”

“Does Jacob still think there’s something between you and Isaac?”

“Probably,” Max admitted. “Which is bullshit, because the  _ true _ mark of how invested I am in you is that I’m actually willing to top for you. I’d have  _ never _ done that for Isaac.”

Regulus snorted. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Max said. “And I’m sure my family will, too.”

* * *

Max’s parents had to be in their sixties, if not seventies, but they seemed to dote on him from the minute he walked in the door. 

“Oh, Max has told us all about you, sweetheart,” Mrs. Scamander said, taking the bouquet from Regulus’s hands. “He’s in love.”

“Mom,” Max pleaded, “Bite nit farshemen mir.” As far as Regulus could make out, it sounded too much like  _ bitte nicht beschämen mich _ – please don’t embarrass me – to not be  _ close. _ German was, at it turned out, sometimes useful.

“Max, I’m sure you’ve already  _ told _ him.”

“He has,” Regulus said. “And he knows I feel the same.”

“It’s still  _ embarrassing_,” Max said, looping his arms through Regulus’s. “You don’t understand how they used to meddle in my love life. I come from an entire family of meddlers.”

“Professional meddlers, dear,” Mrs. Scamander said, fixing Max’s hair as if to underscore her point. Regulus knew his own mother would never be caught dead doing something so thoughtlessly affectionate.

“Social worker,” Max reminded Regulus. “And Dad and Jacob both focus on conservationism. I don’t think you could  _ find _ more professional meddlers.”

His tone, though, was clearly full of love and affection, if not twinged with a bit of annoyance. It was obvious that the entire family adored each other, and Regulus felt slightly envious.

“Your father, brother, and sister-in-law are cooking,” Mrs. Scamander said. “I think Gina’s in the living room if you’d like to say hello.”

“Yes!” Max said. “Reg, let’s go say hello to Gina!”

“It was lovely to meet you, Mrs. Scamander,” Regulus said as Max pulled him to another room. The living room actually looked  _ lived in_. There were family photos all over, including a large one over the fireplace where Max couldn’t have been older than eighteen. 

Max’s parents sat in the middle, and a couple who Regulus assumed to be Max’s brother and sister-in-law (at least the man looked  _ strikingly _ like Max, only with darker colouring and curlier hair) stood behind them. On Mr. and Mrs. Scamanders’ lap sat a toddler with deep olive skin and dark hair. Next to Max’s parents stood a girl who, if pressed, Regulus would guess to be about eight or nine with dark curly hair and olive skin. On their other side – and this was where Regulus had to take a moment – stood Max.

“They won’t let us retake it until either Jacob and Shira have another kid or I get married,” Max said. “I’ve asked.”

The teenage Max in the photo wore all black (complete with black eyeliner and black nail polish) except for the patches on his black jean jacket (Regulus noticed a very prominent rainbow flag and Star of David) and the silver studs on his belt, had a  _ lip ring _ and  _ plugs_, and on his wrists he wore sweatbands and black jelly bracelets.

Regulus  _ meant _ to joke that he was sure he had the same belt somewhere (which was true), but instead he blurted, “You used to have a lip ring?”

“I did,” Max said.

“Can you… still wear one?”

Max grinned wickedly, as if he knew exactly where Regulus’s mind had gone. “Probably. Haven’t tried in a while.”

“Would you?”

“For you?” Max asked. “Anything.”

“Jesus,” Regulus said. “If I’d known you then…” There wouldn’t have been anyone else.

“Well,” Max said, “you know me now, and it’s only been like… nine years since that photo.” 

“Uncle Max, is this your  _ boyfriend_?” a voice asked.

Regulus turned to see a teenage girl laying on the sofa, scrolling through something on her phone. She was doubtlessly the same girl from the photo – Max’s niece, Gina.

“Yes,” Max said. “This is Regulus. Reg, this is my niece, Regina.”

“What kind of name is Regulus?”

“It’s Latin,” Regulus said, “just like Regina.”

“I’m named for my Great-Aunt Queenie,” Gina said.

“Regulus means ‘little king’,” Regulus said. “And there was a saint by that name. That’s who I’m named for.”

“I’m Jewish,” Gina said.

Regulus looked to Max, who shrugged. “I know you’re Jewish,” Regulus said. “I’m dating your uncle, aren't I?” And, Christ, that felt good to say out loud.

“Where’s Rolf?” Max asked.

“Trying to teach the cat to fetch.” Gina looked up from her phone. “You’re cute,” she said to Regulus.

“And gay  _ and _ my  _ boyfriend_,” Max said before Regulus could react.

“Oh, not for  _ me_,” Gina said. “Gross, he’s  _ ancient_!” Regulus tried not to look offended. “I meant cute  _ with you_, Uncle Max!”

“Good. Stay with boys – and girls – your own age,” Max said.

“I intend to,” Gina said.

“Uncle Max!” A preteen boy came out of seemingly nowhere and almost knocked Max over with a hug.

“Hi, Rolf,” Max said, ruffling his hair. “I’ve missed you, too. Even though it’s only been a week and a half. This is my boyfriend, Regulus. Reg, this is my favorite nephew, Rolf.”

The boy, Rolf, detached himself from Max and went to hug Regulus instead. Regulus felt a bit surprised, but he patted Rolf on the back and looked to Max. “It’s – nice to meet you, Rolf.”

“Rolf, how are things with Charlie?” Max asked. 

Rolf let go of Regulus to go flop onto the couch. “He’s so  _ cute, _ Uncle Max,” Rolf said. “And he’s going to  _ high school _ next year! High school!”

“Ask him out yet?”

Gina snorted. “Uncle Max, do you know who you’re talking to?”

Max looked to Regulus. Regulus cleared his throat. “What about friends? Don’t they always say that the best relationships start out that way?” Even if that wasn’t really the case in Regulus’s experience. It seemed to do the trick, because Rolf perked up.

“Friends,” Rolf said. “I think I can do that.”

* * *

“I have to say,” Max’s brother, Jacob, said at dinner. “I completely expected this to be another crush on a straight man.”

“Oh, you’re one to talk,” Max said. “Every guy you ever had a crush on was straight. Don’t think I was too young to remember. You wouldn’t have even  _ met _ Shira if it weren’t for a straight guy.”

“But I met Shira, didn’t I?” Jacob asked.

“And I met Reg.”

It was strange, Regulus thought, to be in a household where he was increasingly less sure that  _ anyone _ was straight – and they were all related.

“I’m the only one who isn’t bi,” Max said to Regulus, as if he could read his mind. “ _But _ I’m not the only one who’s ever had a hopeless crush on a straight guy.”

“I think that’s universal,” Regulus said.

“I think the second thing Reg said to me is that he was gay,” Max said, “so there was never any danger of this being  _ that_.”

“Regulus,” Shira asked, “where are you from?”

“I’m from D.C., originally, but I went to a private boarding school in Switzerland from ages eleven to eighteen, and then went to Columbia for college. The school, not the country. I was in New York.”

“What did you study?” Mr. Scamander asked. 

“International relations,” Regulus said. 

“You know, I was an Oxford man, myself, and Tina went to Barnard.”

“Oh,” Regulus said, “my best friend went to Barnard!”

“Did she?” Mrs. Scamander asked.

“Well, she did end up dropping out, because her career took off the summer after our freshman year. She’s an actress,” he added. 

“Would we know her from anything?” Mr. Scamander asked.

“Uh, yes, I think so.”

“His best friend is Emmeline Vance,” Max said. 

“ _The _ Emmeline Vance?” Gina asked. “She's  _super hot,_  and she’s a lesbian!”

“She’s also super  _ taken, _ ” Max said. “And about a decade older than you.”

“I know  _ that_,” Gina said. “It doesn’t mean I have any less of a crush on her. You  _ still _ have a  _ huge _ crush on Gerard Way and Max Bemis – which I still think is narcissistic of you.”

“We have the same first name and we’re both Jewish, that’s it,” Max said, although his cheeks were pink.

* * *

That night, Regulus took Max back to his apartment in the city.

“Sorry my family is so batshit insane,” Max said.

“Max,” Regulus said, “they were  _ wonderful_. I loved them.”

Max grinned. “Really?”

“Really,” Regulus assured him. He was already crazy about Max, but meeting his family had sealed it. Regulus definitely wanted to marry this man, wonderfully crazy family and all. “And anyway…” he began, kissing him, “I believe  _ someone _ has been dying to bottom?”

Max lit up at that. “You want me to? Not that – not that it hasn’t been  _ great _ so far, but…”

“I just want to make sure you know that it’s been a decade, so I absolutely want you to tell me what you want.”

“You say that like that’ll be a challenge. You should have figured it out by now, Reg, but I’m a  _ very _ demanding bottom.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just the epilogue left now!


	15. Epilogue (or: Isaac. I.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months later, and everyone has mostly adjusted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could have left it, but I love Isaac, too, and wanted him to have his own resolution.

**Messages with** Max   
  
**Max:** Swing by Sirius’s bar asap   
  
**Max:** We’re in town and someone wants to talk to you   
  


Isaac rolled his eyes as he checked his phone. He wanted to go home and take a nap, but he knew if he tried to do that, Max would never let him live it down. So he texted him back.

**Messages with** Max   
  
**Isaac:** Just got out of class. Be there in 20?  
  


He kind of hated that he knew how to get to Sirius’s bar without even thinking about it. He hated even more the fact that he’d slept with Sirius no less than half a dozen times (if he were honest, it was probably closer to a dozen at this point) – but at least Max and Regulus didn’t know that. Neither of them really understood _casual,_ and Isaac wasn’t really looking for anything serious. Happy as he was for Max. Whether or not that had more to do with his own anxiety and debilitating fear of commitment was irrelevant. Really.

The tiny bar was mostly empty when Isaac arrived, but he spotted Max and Regulus practically in each other’s laps at one of the tables, talking to a man Isaac had never seen before. Max saw him and waved him over.

“Isaac! This is Dan Sokolovsky! He’s writing an article about the show for The Advocate!”

Isaac looked over at Dan Sokolovsky, who was, well, stupidly gorgeous, with that sort of sexy stubble and beautiful dark green eyes and perfect cheekbones and curly dark hair. To make matters worse, he was wearing a Star of David on a thin gold chain around his neck.

“Pleasure to meet you, Isaac,” Dan said, and Isaac knew _immediately_ why Max had insisted he come: Isaac had always been weak for British accents, and on top of everything else…

“Great to meet you, too,” Isaac said, shaking his hand. He hated himself for noticing that Dan didn’t have a ring.

“He interviewed Dirk about that ridiculous dramatic subplot the producers cooked up about his sexuality,” Max said.

Isaac pulled a face. “That’s why you don’t _tell_ them that you’re not straight.”

“Isaac, sweetheart, when they agreed to let you go on, your Facebook and Instagram weren’t private.”

“But I didn’t _tell_ them,” Isaac said. “There’s a difference.”

Max pulled out his phone and showed the entire table a picture of Isaac making out with a guy whose name he didn’t even remember on Halloween the previous year. “That took all of thirty seconds, by the way. Plus, didn’t you do some – interview or op-ed for Tablet, or the Forward, or Kveller, or something about being a bi rabbinical student?”

“The point is,” Isaac said, “I don’t trust straight people to – deal with that kind of thing delicately.”

“Oh, definitely not,” Max said.

“Have you _seen_ how they cut together my scenes?” Regulus asked.

“No,” Isaac said, “but my sister Miri has, and she’s been texting me about it. They tried to hint at you and Dirk, right?” Which was sort of ironic because _Isaac_ had been the one to actually fuck Dirk. He hadn’t even known that Dirk and Regulus had spoken much.

Regulus nodded and sipped at his drink. Isaac wasn’t sure what it was; it was clear and in a highball glass, so it really could have been almost anything. “Exactly. I mean – it’s not like they could cut together scenes of Max and I, because the camera wasn’t rolling most of the time when we were together, and when it was – we were careful.”

As opposed to full on making out and having phone sex and blowing each other when the cameras were off. “I’m going to get a drink,” Isaac said. He walked to the bar and got Sirius’s attention.

“They’re trying to set me up, aren’t they?” Isaac asked.

“Oh, yeah,” Sirius said. “But he’s hot, so I say go for it.”

Isaac scoffed. “He’s ridiculously out of my league.”

“You managed to bag _me,”_ Sirius said. “More than once.”

“That’s because you’re a slut and I’m good in bed,” Isaac said.

“Well, sure,” Sirius said, “but you’re hot, too. Anyway, what’ll it be?”

Isaac looked over the beer list. “Dogfish Seaquench?”

Sirius winked. “Good choice. My idiot brother got a Tom Collins. It’s three in the afternoon.”

Isaac shrugged as Sirius got the can of beer out of the fridge. “That just seems like a normal white bougie thing to do.”

Sirius snorted. “Definitely WASPy. I’ll give you that. You want a glass?”

“Sure.”

Sirius poured the beer into a glass and handed it over to Isaac with a wink. “It’s on the house.”

“Sirius, come on.”

“Fine. How about you only pay if you strike out with this hot journalist?”

Isaac glanced back over to the table. “Fine,” he said, only because he was sure that he _would_ strike out.

He went back to the table with his beer, and Max turned all his attention to him again. “How’s the new roommate?”

“Well, he doesn’t practise sex sounds at three in the morning, so – better,” Isaac said, sipping nonchalantly at his beer.

“Max _does_ do that, doesn’t he?” Regulus asked. “He thinks I don’t notice.”

“You know what?” Max said, blushing slightly, “This is bottomphobia.”

“Sirius is a bottom, too,” Isaac said, “we can ask him if he does it.”

“Something tells me he doesn’t,” Regulus said, glancing over toward his brother. “He certainly didn’t when we were teenagers.”

“Well,” Max said, “Isaac, you can always fuck him and tell me who’s better.”

Isaac glanced over to Regulus and then to Dan. “I have, actually,” he said, sipping again at his beer. “And – him.”

_“Excuse_ me?” Max asked. “I’m _great_ in bed!”

“Yeah,” Isaac agreed, “and Sirius is better. And Sirius doesn’t mope about how he wants a _boyfriend_ after – which I _hope_ you don’t do anymore?” He looked to Regulus, who shrugged.

“He’ll wax poetic about how happy and lucky he thinks he is – as if _he’s_ the lucky one – which is kind of the same thing, but I think it’s sweet.”

“As you can see,” Max said to Dan, “we all _are_ actually great friends.”

“I can see that,” Dan said.

“And Isaac’s fantastic in bed, which Sirius – the bartender, and coincidentally, Reg’s brother – can apparently back up.”

Dan blushed, which was admittedly _adorable,_ and Isaac swatted at Max. “Stop it.”

“But you _are_ fantastic in bed,” Max said. “And single.”

“Max,” Regulus said.

“Dan’s Jewish, you know,” Max said to Isaac.

“I figured,” Isaac said, “both from the last name _and_ the Magen David.”

“Max,” Regulus said, “why don’t we go to the bar? I didn’t really look at the beer list.”

It was an obvious ruse, and Max pouted. “Reg.”

“Or I can get Sirius to let us in the back room so we can make out,” Regulus said.

Max grinned. “Well, how am I supposed to turn _that_ down?” he asked. He downed the rest of his drink, and took Regulus by the hand and led him away, leaving Isaac and Dan alone at the table.

“I’m _so_ sorry about them,” Isaac said. “Max can be – a lot.”

“I got that impression, funnily enough,” Dan said. “They seem happy, though.”

“Ridiculously.”

“I actually – finished with my interview about ten minutes before you got here,” Dan said. “I have to admit, I really liked you on the show.”

“Oh,” Isaac said. “Thanks.”

“Have you read any of my articles about it? Honestly.”

Isaac shook his head. “I mean I kind of – lived it. Besides, my sister I think had a Google alert for my name, so she told me all of the parts she deemed important.”

Dan sighed. “Thank god.”

“Why?” Isaac asked.

“Well, I do write for a gay journal,” Dan said. “So it’s not as if – I wasn’t expected to give my honest opinion of how gorgeous each of the contestants are.”

“I’m still a little stuck on a gay journal covering one of the straightest shows on television.”

Dan shrugged. “Twenty-five gorgeous guys, drama, bad acting – _and_ we were tipped off that one of the contestants was openly bi.”

“It was more than just Dirk. And me, and Regulus,” he added. Well, Regulus was gay, but Isaac wasn’t sure if he’d told anyone in the media _that_ yet.

“Oh, I’m sure.” Dan sipped at his beer. “Let me guess: Evan and RJ?”

“I’m not confirming or denying that to the media,” Isaac teased, but he’d gotten it exactly. He really must’ve paid attention to the show.

“The way Evan stared at Regulus was fairly obvious,” Dan said. “I’ve no idea why they focused on Dirk for all the drama. He seemed to be among the least dramatic there.”

“Lily didn’t like the Dirk plotline, either,” Isaac said. “I remember her saying.”

“No one with sense would,” Dan said. “Look, _my_ ex is bi – it had _nothing_ to do with why we broke up. He was absolutely lovely in every respect, and – for straights, especially, to try to stir up drama about it – it’s absurd.”

“Why did you break up?” Isaac asked.

Dan shrugged. “Loads of reasons. Nothing to do with his sexuality. I suppose the big one was that he didn’t want kids, and I did – you know, eventually. And we were both – getting to the age where that was something I was thinking about. Settling down and starting a family, I mean. He was all in for settling down, but he didn’t want to have kids. And there’s only so long you can put something like that off. I didn’t want to be, you know, forty or fifty and still not have kids.”

“Oh,” Isaac said. That wasn’t what he’d been expecting at all.

“And I get it – some people just don’t want to have kids. It’s probably something we should’ve discussed earlier, but – it happened.”

“I mean,” Isaac said, “I don’t think I’d – seriously date someone who didn’t want kids, personally.”

“And how _is_ someone as gorgeous and clever as yourself still single?” Dan asked, leaning forward in his seat. “Because Max has made it _very_ clear that you’re single. Multiple times.”

“Debilitating fear of commitment and intimacy,” Isaac said. He tried to keep his voice light to make it sound like a joke, but it was the truth. “Told Max that it’s – rabbinical school, but… my only significant relationship was pretty shitty, and it’s just been easier since then to – keep things casual.”

Dan hummed, and the way he looked at Isaac was like he could see right through him. It was – electrifying. He had half a mind to invite Dan back to his apartment, but he got the feeling that Dan _wasn’t_ after anything casual.

“I’ve got an idea,” Dan said after a few moments.

“What’s that?”

“I think you’re gorgeous.”

“That’s not really – an idea,” Isaac said, although he could feel himself blush. He drained his glass.

“Dinner,” Dan said. “That’s my idea. Dinner, the two of us, as a proper date. If it goes well – I’m not saying I _won’t_ put out on the first date. But I don’t want you to ghost me.”

“Oh,” Isaac said. “I mean, it’s not like I ghost _everyone_ – Sirius and I are sort of – friends with benefits.”

“I don’t want that,” Dan said. “I want a relationship, and I understand if you’re a bit – apprehensive. So I’ll take it as slow as you want, and if I try to move too fast, or make you uncomfortable, I want you to tell me. And if the date doesn’t go well, or one of us is shit in bed, then we tried.”

“But you want to try.”

“I do,” Dan said.

He considered his options. Dan was _definitely_ out of his league – Dan wasn’t even playing the same _sport,_ really. But he wanted Isaac, and that was flattering, and he’d be lying if he said the idea of fucking Dan senseless wasn’t an incredibly appealing one. But a _relationship…_

“I don’t want to pressure you,” Dan said. “If that’s not something you want, then that’s fine. But I thought it best to lay all my cards on the table.”

Dan was gorgeous and Jewish and direct and _English_ and he wanted kids, someday, and that was – a lot. Besides, it was really just one date. There was every chance that nothing would ever even come of it. And if something _did_ come of it…

“No,” Isaac said, “you’re not pressuring me. Don’t worry about that. I’ll – definitely go out to dinner with you.”

Dan grinned and _dear god_ he was too gorgeous. “Great! I’ll give you my number?”

* * *

He got a text from Max a few days later, early in the morning. He’d neglected to put his phone on do not disturb the night before, so the repeated buzzing and pings woke him.

**Messages with** Max   
  
**Max:** Please tell me you slept with that journalist   
  
**Max:** He asked about you like three times I didn’t even bring you up at first   
  
**Max:** I repeat: HE is the one who brought you up first   
  
**Max:** Me: "Oh yeah well I grew up in suburban Philly"   
  
**Max:** Him: "With Isaac, right? The two of you are childhood friends?"  
  
**Max:** It was ADORABLE   
  
**Max:** And did you ever read his articles?   
  
**Max:** One of them had like a solid 200 words dedicated to how gorgeous and smart he thinks you are   
  
**Max:** It included the line "I, for one, would let Isaac do whatever he wanted to me"   
  
**Max:** (ok maybe not word for word)   
  
**Max:** (but close enough)   
  
**Max:** And ALL of them mention you and how much he likes you   
  
**Max:** So PLEASE tell me you fucked him.   
  
**Isaac:** He’s so ridiculously out of my league wtf  
  
**Max:** Isaac   
  
**Max:** Did   
  
**Max:** You   
  
**Max:** Fuck   
  
**Max:** Him?   
  
**Isaac:** A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell  
  
**Max:** Omfg stop being coy!!   
  
**Max:** I’m like two seconds away from asking Sirius   
  
**Isaac:** Has anyone ever told you you’re overly invested in my sex life?  
  
**Max:** I’m overly invested in your LOVE life*   
  
**Max:** But yes, multiple people   
  


“Who’re you texting at – seven in the morning on a Saturday?” Dan asked from beside him, words slurring slightly (and adorably) with sleep.

“Max,” Isaac said. “He’s demanding to know if we’ve had sex yet.”

Dan kissed his neck. “Well – he’s your best friend; I really don’t mind at all if you tell him.”

**Messages with** Max   
  
**Max:** Don’t MAKE me drive up to nyc to ask you in person   
  


Isaac kissed Dan rather than reply to Max, and put his phone on do not disturb and set it on the bedside table. He ran his hands down the flat planes of Dan’s chest, and ghosted his fingers over his cock.

“I suppose we’re already awake,” Dan said, kissing him.

The truly strange thing was that Isaac actually felt comfortable – the familiar stirring of anxiety when things started to seem the slightest bit – _relationshippy –_ was completely absent. He still wasn’t sure if anything would come of it, of course, but – a second date was definitely on the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it!  
> If you like the characters, they do appear in other multiverse fics, so check out the collection!  
> If you have any questions about the characters or fic feel free to ask below or visit me on [tumblr](http://xslytherclawx.tumblr.com/)!


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